


Memory

by Rizeru_chan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: All pairings after Jicheol are side couples, ChinaLine, JiHan, Jicheol, JunHao - Freeform, M/M, soonseok, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6340060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rizeru_chan/pseuds/Rizeru_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one-sided love that's not so one-sided</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Minimal Yet Meaningful

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is Seungcheol-centric? Like, if you hate anyone else but Jihoon with Seungcheol then I highly recommend not reading this, they do end up together in the end. It's just the first chapter contains flashbacks of past relationships.

"Look he's with someone new already." Whispers erupted as the newest couple walked down the hallway.

"Yeah, I heard he got asked out right when he got to school."

"Poor guy, falling for that whore."

"Don't say that! Seungcheol's really nice. You went out with him! You should know how it feels."

"Yeah but he's not even sad when you break up with him! I mean I swear someone asked him out the second I dumped him and he said yes."

"Why did you even break up with him? He's super caring and fun to hang around. Not to mention that he'll spoil you completely."

"Same reason you did."

-

"Choi Seungcheol, will you go out with me?" He looked at all the decorations, the banner, the small amount of confetti on the ground, how could he say no?

"You know, I would have said yes with a normal proposal." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Of course, but I really like you, I think you deserve a proper proposal."

"Doyoon, I think this is more than a proper proposal."

"Whatever you see, you deserve it." Seungcheol took another look at the banner. The question he was asked a while ago was hand painted onto a white canvas surrounded by hearts of many colors. Everyone looked at it too, then turned to whisper amongst each other. He could say he wasn't used to all the attention, and he doesn't like to brag, but he was well known.

"What a lie," Seungcheol took his hand with a smile, "how did you even get that banner up there?"

"Well, you see, the janitors like me." Seungcheol knew Doyoon, with the way he opened the bag of chips the day before, he wasn't believing that statement.

"Stop lying, how did you really do it?"

"Fine, I slipped George a twenty." Doyoon shrugged as if it was nothing. Seungcheol's jaw dropped.

"A twenty?! Doyoon you've been asking me to buy you lunch for how long now but you can slip a janitor a twenty?"

"Ah... Well, you see..." Doyoon used his other hand to scratch the back of his head. Seungcheol shoved him playfully.

"You're buying me lunch today."

-

"Ah, and so it begins." A pretty face framed by silver hair grinned from across the table, "honestly, it's been a while, I thought Seungcheol made around with everyone already." The boy sitting next to him nudged him with a shoulder, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

"Jeonghan don't be mean, Seungcheol and Doyoon are both happy, don't bother them." The one speaking was looking down at his food the whole time, digging through the almost empty bag of chips.

"It's a light teasing Jisoo, nothing too harsh. You guys are really cute together and I had a feeling. You suit each other." Jeonghan leaned his head against Jisoo's shoulder, opening another bag of Lays and offering him some.

"So that's why the rumors started up again." Another voice came from Jeonghan's other side. The owner had brown hair and a red-flannel covered arm draped across the shoulders of a blond guy. "It happened today?"

"Before school."

"When I stepped on the lawn, did you know he paid the janitor twenty bucks yet I've been buying him lunch for two months now?" Seungcheol leaned in as if he was whispering but the statement came out anyway but quietly.

"Snazzy," brown hair bobbed slightly, "and smart. I have to try that out sometime." Doyoon smirked and gave him a high five.

"None of us will fall for it, you just told us you would do it," the small remark came from under the other's arm.

"You would still pay for me, though, right Minghao?" A pout formed on the speaker's face and he leaned down to peck a kiss to the top of the blond's forehead.

"You know," Seungcheol started using Doyoon's hand as a blindfold, "sometimes I regret getting you two together when you're all lovey-dovey like that."

"Says the man who's not even using his own hand as a blindfold."

Seungcheol heard the slight snicker to the right, "Hey Doyoon who's side are you on?"

"Well I mean, Jun does have a point..." Despite what was saying Doyoon gently tightened his hold on Seungcheol's hand and brought them back down to their sides.

"What a great way to start our relationship Doyoon~!" Seungcheol forced a smile then dropped the act before taking a chip from Doyoon's bag.

"Hey, I actually bought those with my own money this time!"

"Slowly pay me back by letting me take a few bites." Seungcheol reached for another but the bag was pushed away.

"What if I pay you back with some dates and kisses?" Doyoon wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I'll take the chocolate but dates are a horrid excuse for a fruit." A grin spread across the cheeks of a very playful Seungcheol and a tongue came out to tease just the bit more.

-

"Seungcheol," the sad voice came. Seungcheol knew what was coming, it happened several times before he had lost track. It was still sad to be dumped. "You're the perfect boyfriend, I mean, you've brought me out on dates, surprised me on special occasions, and you make the perfect cuddle buddy," two smiles showed up on two faces but both were bittersweet, "but I think we both know it's not real."

"I promise you I put my all into every relationship I've been in and I'll continue to put my all in the further relationships I have. I haven't cheated on you if that's what someone said. I would never cheat on you. I wouldn't cheat on anyone." Seungcheol held his hand over his heart, it was getting harder to keep the smile on his face.

"I know you didn't cheat on me, and I know you wouldn't think of doing that to anyone. Don't you think that you do it, you put your all into the relationship so the other person is happy? Haven't you ever thought that all the people before me broke up with you because they wanted you to be happy with someone you truly like back?"

"I do like you Wonwoo. I've known you forever, I love you." Seungcheol took a step forward, stroking the other male's cheek gently, staring at the small speck of moonlight that his eyes caught.

A separate hand came up to hold the one on his cheek, he leaned his face into it one last time and enjoyed the warmth coming from Seungcheol's palm. "I know you love me, and I love you enough to know you don't love me the same way you love him." Wonwoo brought the hand away from his face and slowly, finger by finger, let it go.

-

"Seungcheol~" a voice cooed into his hear. He shook his head slightly and tried to focus on where he was.

"Yeah what's up?" He looked to Doyoon.

"What are you thinking about?" He felt the side of Doyoon's head rest against his shoulder and he automatically rested his own on top.

"Nothing bad, just calculating all the money you owe me." The head shifted from underneath his but didn't completely move away.

"Hey~" the whine came and Seungcheol's grin got even wider than before. He let go of Doyoon's hand so he could wrap his arm around his boyfriend's shoulder.

-

"Hey Mingyu," Seungcheol piped up from within said male's arms.

"Yes, Seungcheol?" Mingyu responded playfully.

They were sitting down at the park one random weekend in one beautiful afternoon. A few clouds were in the sky, providing a cool breeze against the beams of sunlight. The two sitting under the tree knew it wouldn't be good to ignore a beautiful day like so.

"Do you know a Jeon Wonwoo? He goes to our school."

"Yeah I know him." Mingyu was resting his chin on the top of Seungcheol's head and softly applied more pressure as he thought about who Seungcheol brought up. "Didn't he break up with you like, last week?"

"Yeah, but it was on good terms. I'm sure that we both knew our feelings towards each other was never one of romance. Anyway, I think you two would be a great couple."

"Isn't he a senior? Would he really be willing to date a junior?" Seungcheol knew Mingyu was thinking about it, it brought a smile to his face.

"Hey, I'm a senior too you know, I'm even older than him." Mingyu squirmed when Seungcheol motioned to pinch his thigh.

"Yeah but I'm not dating you, I'm just here for the hugs." The arms around Seungcheol's torso tightened and Seungcheol nodded.

"I feel like that would be an insult if it weren't to me, but yes I think he would date you. Seriously you guys' actions would work together great.

"He seems really cold, always wearing dark clothing. I wouldn't be surprised if he had to tell his mom 'It's not a phase' every day," Mingyu snickered before actually receiving a pinch on his leg. "Ow, I was kidding!"

"He doesn't like emo jokes, keep that in mind when you talk to him. He wears black because he's convinced it's the only color that looks good on him. Which is really weird because he looks great in blue."

"Dang okay, are you sure there weren't any romantic feelings? In my opinion, I think white would look great on him." Mingyu poked his sides playfully, enjoying the way Seungcheol laughed.

"Hm, I think I like blue better. When you date someone, or you're just around them the whole time, you get a sense of what they look good in and how they act. Just trust me on this, you two would hit it off. He's actually a lot softer than you think."

-

"Where have you guys been?" Jun asked, averting his rolling eyes away from the hypocrite to the pair making their way towards the table.

"Wonwoo's a slowpoke," one mentioned as they sat down together. The same guy's shoulder brushed against Seungcheol's a bit forcefully, knocking two heads together.

"Oops sorry Seungcheol, Mingyu's just being annoying. My teacher had to tell me something, by the way."

"It's fine, you're okay right Doyoon?" Seungcheol turned to his significant other, tilting his head in a concerned manner.

"Yeah, I'm fine. What did your teacher want Wonwoo?"

"He was wondering if I was performing in this week's show. I swear ever since I made an appearance my English teacher's been on me about my writing skills, telling me about how I could do 'so much better' considering that one time. Frustrating really."

"You were amazing! I would do the same. If you can make a simple rap that good then why can't you write an essay?" Jeonghan mentioned.

"Because writing lyrics is fun and could be about anything I want. When I have to write an essay it's about the same boring topics we've been writing about for the past 6 years."

"He has a point there." Jisoo tilted his head in Wonwoo's direction. "How many times do we have to write about how dangerous the internet is?"

"Okay that makes sense, are you performing, though?" Jun entered the conversation, feeling just the slightest bit left out.

"No, I haven't really thought of anything new."

"Mingyu don't you write lyrics too?" Minghao chimed, "I remember you wanted to perform one week but you didn't think your work was good enough."

"Maybe you two could bounce ideas off of each other," Doyoon suggested.

"You could even perform together if you wanted. I mean shows happen every week and I'm sure at least half the school is ready to hear the hottest couple rap together."

"Only one thing is wrong with that sentence." Jun's finger caught all of their attention, "Minghao and I are the hottest couple."

-

"Jeonghan I don't think this is such a good idea. I don't think Jisoo is the jealous type." Seungcheol held onto the white fabric of Jeonghan's shirt.

"Trust me, he'll drag me away and ask me out. This plan is foolproof. Now, stroke my hair I just got the text from Jun saying he's coming."

Sungcheol gulped, he wasn't a big fan of the jealousy card, it usually always ended badly. Nonetheless, he was never one to say no. He brought his hand up to stroke the brown locks of hair, they were really soft and Seungcheol hoped that if Joshua really was the jealous type, he wouldn't cut off any of the hair on Jeonghan's head. Like Jeonghan would let him, though.

"Jeonghan!" A voice called from the end of the hall, both heads turned to see a slightly red-faced Jisoo, hands fisted at his sides and shaking slightly with anger. He steadily made his way over to the two, facing Seungcheol he put on the fakest smile he could possibly muster and politely asked, "May I please take Jeonghan for a moment?"

Seungcheol wanted to smile with how cute the moment actually was but he had to stick to the script. His eyes flashed toward the long haired male for a moment in fake suspicion before stepping back. He watched them turn down the hall before breaking into a huge grin.

-

"You're wrong too Jun, Jisoo and I are the cutest couple!" Jeonghan caught everyone's attention with his finger, copying Jun for a while before smiling down at Jisoo, "right?"

"Actually, I think that one sophomore couple is cuter than all of us."

"But Vernon completely stole my idea!" Jun whined. Everyone looked at Jun before turning to Seungcheol with a questioning look, waiting for his take on the statement.

"I actually gave Vernon that idea too, and not completely. He sang, oh so terribly, just for that proposal." This time, he was the one to lean his head on Doyoon's shoulder, laughing when Jun pouted and Minghao had to comfort him.

"I think the funny thing is that everyone started asking their crushes out through Friday Frienzies after that and yet none of them lasted but Jun with Minghao and Vernon with," Mingyu paused for a moment before finally recalling the name, "Seungkwan."

"I really like how Soonyoung and Seokmin got together." Jisoo brought up.

"You mean how Seungcheol just told them they should go out and so they did?" Doyoon questioned amusedly.

"Yeah, it was simple and they're still together. Where are they anyway?"

"Practicing probably, when I looked at the signup sheet this week, I saw their names."

"So you were thinking about signing up?" Mingyu made himself the third person to ask Wonwoo the question.

"No, I heard that someone was performing and I just wanted to see if it was true or not.

"Who's performing?"

-

"Will you marry me?" The pronunciation was wrong, the 'r's sounded like 'w's and there was another 'w' added between the letters 'm' and 'e'. Four-year-old Seungcheol held out a Funyun ring and offered it to the boy across him.

With the shake of his head, the boy refused, "No."

"But," the Funyun fell to the floor as tears welled up in Seungcheol's eyes, "why not?" Another adorable 'w' was added between the 'o' and the 't' but the boy clearly wasn't finding it cute.

"No," the response came again, this time making the poor baby Seungcheol angry. The toddler made his way over to the three-year-old and took the squishy cheeks in his hands before planting a sloppy kiss on top of them.

Shocked, the three-year-old began to cry, throwing his fists at Seungcheol repeatedly as hot tears ran down his face and screams erupted from his throat.

The outbreak was sudden enough to get Seungcheol to step back and call for help. Adults came running in, asking what happened and if anyone was hurt. Seungcheol felt so guilty he began to cry as well. The adults took them into arms and tried to calm them down.

The experience Seungcheol had that night was one he wanted nobody else to feel, no one.

-

"You know who's performing right?" Wonwoo came up to him later that day as they were walking out of school.

"I don't want to but yeah, I know. I overheard the rumors during my first period."

"Why are you still dating people you don't like?" Wonwoo's question made Seungcheol stop.

"I like Doyoon."

"It's still not the same, and you know it." Wonwoo stopped with him, waiting for the reply.

"I want it to be the same, let me believe it's the same, just this once." Seungcheol stared into his eyes, begging, pleading and Wonwoo could see the desperation, but he can't let Seungcheol do this to himself.

"Seungcheol you know I can't do that."

"Wonwoo! Seungcheol! Hurry up you slowpokes!" Mingyu and Doyoon's voices reached their ears in harmony, Seungcheol flashed them a smile before holding up a finger and letting them know it would take a while longer.

"Please, it makes me happy when other people are happy. As long as they want me, then I want them. Wonwoo please, just this once. Just this last time I think I really do like Doyoon."

Wonwoo's eyes moved from Seungcheol to the two down the walkway. He repeated the motion several times, fighting himself in an inner battle about whether he should be okay with Seungcheol's decision or not.

"I've known you for how long now?" The random question made Seungcheol's mouth twitch and barely form a smile.

"Since the womb, my friend, since the womb."

They began to walk again, in a happier mood than before.

"I really care about you Seungcheol, I don't wanna see you do something you don't want to do," Wonwoo stated while they were still out of hearing range.

"I want to do this Wonwoo, I like helping others like this. I like all the hugs and relationships I get with this." Seungcheol gestured with his hand, laughing at the insignificance.

Wonwoo smiled too, patting Seungcheol's shoulder comfortingly, "I know, but it's okay to refuse, you know that right?"

Seungcheol shook his head still smiling, "I don't want anyone to feel rejection from me. I've experienced it at such a young age, it's horrible I tell you!"

"What's horrible?" Doyoon's voice interrupted the last part he was going to say.

"The fact that Mingyu was right when he said Wonwoo's a slowpoke," Seungcheol grinned and welcomed Doyoon into his arms.

"Choi Seungcheol you have 5 seconds before I show you who the real slowpoke is." A dark aura surrounded Wonwoo and he cracked his knuckles for emphasis.

"Doyoon save me!" Seungcheol took off running, his backpack was slowing him down so he threw it off, hoping it would land in Wonwoo's path and make it harder to be caught.

"You're on your own!" He heard the laughs coming from his and Wonwoo's boyfriends and for the smallest moment he was able to fully convince himself that he was over the memory.


	2. Emptier

"Is he really performing?" Anonymous whispers made their way down the hall, spreading from one person to another.

"I think I heard him practicing. It was a love song, do you think he's singing it for someone?"

"You think he's going to ask someone out?"

"Doubt it, he doesn't talk to anyone but that one blond kid and they still don't talk a lot. Plus the blond has a boyfriend."

"I see him talking to Jisoo sometimes."

"Yeah, like once every full moon."

"They still talk"

"Yeah but Jisoo has a boyfriend too."

"Well if he's not asking someone out then why a love song?"

-

"What? Seungcheol, we always go to Friday Frenzies." Jun was speaking but everyone in their group stopped to stare at him.

"Soonyoung and Seokmin are performing this week," Minghao brought up from his usual spot beside Jun. Seungcheol looked down at the table, he knew it wouldn't be easy.

"I forgot you guys were performing," he bit his lip and gave them the most apologetic look he could muster. In truth, he was sorry, but not because he forgot. "You all know how Doyoon doesn't like watching the shows," he looked down and tried to avoid Wonwoo's gaze as he dug deeper into the lie. "I was thinking it would be okay to miss one Frenzy."

"You must really like Doyoon if you're canceling on us like this," Jeonghan said around the grape in his mouth. "You've never canceled, even for that one clingy girl. She broke up with you because of that right?"

Even though Seungcheol rolled his eyes, he didn't correct Jeonghan. He'd been dumped several times because he wouldn't miss Friday Frenzies with his friends.

"Sorry," he apologized again. If he tried to stretch the lie even further one of them would find out the real reason he wanted to ditch.

"Can't you just cancel on Doyoon? I mean you can go on dates whenever but you know how hard it is to get a spot on the list." He couldn't blame the request but even if he saw it coming he felt a bit of irritation. Something in the back of his mind made it seem he wasn't mad that them, though.

Friday Frenzies were small concerts held by their student council every week. Yinnin High was one of the best fine art schools in the world, filled with prodigies and those gifted with talent. With the number of students attending and the chance to get noticed by musical companies, sign-up sheets were filled before Monday ended at the least.

Seungcheol could remember that one Monday the ambulance came.

As Freshman turn into Sophomores and Sophomores turn into Juniors, the competition dies down. People realize that they aren't perfect in their talents and work to better themselves, but there were still several people wanting to perform. Whether it be for their friends or to get noticed.

"They've waited a really long time, how long?" Even Jisoo wanted him to cancel on Doyoon. They all looked at the missing couple from the days before.

"A month, but it's okay!" Soonyoung held his hands out in front of him, shaking his head and dismissing the topic. "Really, we could just record it for him, no biggie. They just started dating I don't think it's right to cancel on a date during the start of the relationship."

Seungcheol still felt guilty, and even wanted to blurt out the real reason, but Soonyoung announced Doyoon was coming and he forbid anymore talk on the subject.

-

"Mom~ he doesn't like me!" six-year-old Seungcheol tried to bring himself in the opposite direction his mother was bringing him.

"Now why would you think that? Haven't you only met once before?" His mother used all of her strength, both her arms, to drag Seungcheol into the living room.

"I made him cry!" Seungcheol was tearing up at the memory, the small droplets of salt water about to find their way down his cheeks was enough to stop his mother.

"Seungcheol, honey." Her face was right in front of his and her hands came up to wipe away his tears. "That was two years ago and he was three, I'm sure he doesn't remember."

Seungcheol wiped his eyes himself, feeling a little foolish for acting out like that. He felt hands make their way under his armpits and soon his feet left the floor. "What if he does?" He watched his mother's lips come together in a hard line as she thought.

"If he does, then I guess you'll just have to make him like you with your charms!" He felt fingers touch his side and squirmed, a smile replaced the frown he had on earlier.

-

Seungcheol squeezed his way through the door along with the rest of his classmates. As he turned the corner he saw a familiar black figure in his peripheral vision and sighed to himself, knowing what it was.

"Wonwoo."

"He's finally performing, yet you're skipping?" There was anger but it was almost completely masked by confusion.

"I know..."

A sigh left Seungcheol's mouth for the second time.

"Seungcheol why don't you want to watch?" He's never been able to hide from Wonwoo, they knew everything about each other after all.

"I just," he paused, trying to organize his words so Wonwoo would leave him be. "I heard he's performing a love song and I would break down if it wasn't for me. I would rather be curious for the rest of my life than know it's not me."

"Seungcheol I think you should watch his performance. It could be the only time you'll get to see him."

"Next time," Seungcheol excused himself before his feet brought him to his class. The usual silence followed but Seungcheol's thoughts were screaming at him within his own head. There was no way he'd focus in his next class.

-

"What are you writing about?" Seungcheol looked over the nine-year old's shoulder, the blurred letters filled up the paper line by line.

Nothing but silence followed the question. There was a slight tilt to the paper and Seungcheol took it as a sign he should move. The boy didn't want him to see what he was writing.

The swivel chair creaked under Seungcheol's weight but he was the only one that seemed to notice. He relaxed after noticing the boy wasn't bothered by the small disturbance. He listened to the sound of lead marking paper and the hands of the clock turning every second.

Seungcheol wondered if the boy even wanted to be in his room, the only thing he touched was the side of the bed, he would sit on the floor despite Seungcheol's invitation to a table. He spun in the chair a few times, wondering if the boy was writing a note or in a diary.

There was a small grumble coming from the nine-year-old and Seungcheol was immediately alarmed.

"Did you want something?" Seungcheol spoke to the top of the boy's head, the only reply Seungcheol got was a slight cough.

"I'll get you some water, do you want water?" He stood up from the chair and made his way towards the door. When he looked back he was able to catch the small head bob.

-

Seungcheol sighed and tried to set the group chat settings to mute. The only messages were pleas to come. Not to mention Wonwoo was texting him separately. He didn't know whether he was mad because they were right or mad because the vibrations were annoying. His back felt the support of the chair as he waited for Doyoon to show up.

The coffee shop was a usual place people go for dates and he couldn't help but smile at the normality of it all. The workers are probably starting to talk about him, he wouldn't be surprised. He spotted some whispering a while ago, he thought of messing with them and saying he was dumped.

A small vibration went off in his pocket, he could have sworn he muted Wonwoo, there were already so many degrading messages. He ignored it, at first, he knew Friday Frenzy was starting soon, their group of friends would never let him text during the show.

The vibration came again, was it Doyoon? He picked up the small device he doubled checked all his contacts, it couldn't be.

'Hey, this is Jihoon. I know we haven't spoken a lot but I was wondering if we could meet up after Friday Frenzy?'

-

"Are you two texting each other?" Seungcheol looked up from his phone, the question registered through his brain before he shook his head. He felt his back realign under his mother's glare and he coughed.

Eyes landed on the other boy addressed, his eyes were flying across the screen along with his thumbs. Seungcheol spotted the earbuds and knew he didn't hear.

"Jihoon," the boy's mother called again, a bit more strictly. The brown hair flew up for a moment, apologetic eyes met the two ladies' and he tucked the phone into his back pocket as his back straightened as well.

"I'm sorry, I was writing lyrics." He took the earbuds out of his ears and tucked the buds into his shirt before picking up the once abandoned fork. "This is very good, thank you."

"Oh, so you weren't talking to each other, Seungcheol what were you doing?" The question stopped a fork halfway on its journey into Seungcheol's mouth. It returned back to its plate as there was a request to repeat.

"What were you doing on your phone?" his mother complied.

"Talking... to Wonwoo..." he let out, his eyes flickered towards the boy across from him but he was busy picking at his food.

"Give me your phone." Seungcheol immediately followed directions, handing over his phone, they weren't talking about anything his mother didn't know about.

"Jihoon, may I have your phone too please?" With his name being called he looked up, he blinked once before fulfilling the request.

The two boys ate in silence as the mothers whispered to each other.

"Okay, here you go boys." Seungcheol's mother handed out the two phones. Seungcheol gave a look to Jihoon as if to tell him he could get his phone first.

-

'This is still Seungcheol, right? If it's not then you can just ignore these messages, I'm sorry.'

'No! This is Seungcheol, I thought you were my friends messaging me, sorry for the late reply.' He felt his breath and heart rate speed up, Jihoon was finally texting him. He's been waiting 7 years and it was finally time.

He kept his phone on, not wanting to keep the message unread for more than a second. There wasn't any reply, he checked the time, Friday Frenzy must have started by now, Jihoon had texted him 3 minutes after 9, he's the second act?

"What'er you doing there?" Doyoon's joy-filled voice filled his ears and he vaguely remembered where he was and why he was there.

"Oh, I got a text, nothing big really. Did you order something already? I wanted to pay."

"No, I didn't order but I ate before coming here, who was texting?"

Seungcheol bit his lip, he couldn't lie. "Jihoon texted me."

"Oh," Doyoon's voice immediately changed pitch and Seungcheol closed his eyes.

"I know, I've come to you about him a lot... I'm sorry but I -" His phone went off in his pocket and he reached down to check it but on his way he caught a glimpse of Doyoon's forced smile.

He reminded himself that he was with Doyoon right now. Doyoon really likes him and he doesn't deserve rejection.

"I'm sorry." He repeated again.

"It's okay..." The corners of Doyoon's lips turned down and guilt spread throughout Seungcheol's chest.

They stayed in an awkward silence for a long time, Doyoon never sat down.

"Do you still like him Seungcheol?"

-

Seungcheol fumbled with the button at the hem of his shirt, the collar was irritating the outside skin of his throat but he knew his mother wouldn't approve of his hands going anywhere near it.

Footsteps could be heard on the other side of the door and a light "One minute," could be heard. Seungcheol looked towards his mother, unsure about how things would turn out.

"Seungcheol, Jihoon is just a shy boy. He's probably been waiting for you to text first." He felt her fingers rest on his shoulder.

"But mom I-" the creaking of door hinges cut off the end of his sentence and both heads faced the host.

"Oh, Seungcheol, I forgot to mention that Jihoon is at the library, he said his teacher assigned a group project but he doesn't have a group." The salty smell of soup filled his nostrils and the sound of other grown-ups laughing further into the room filled his ears.

"Oh," he filled the silence, not really knowing what to do. As they entered the house, Seungcheol was allowed to stay in Jihoon's room. He sat in the middle of the floor, scared to touch anything as if it might break.

There was an open notebook on the desk, the pages were tempting the bored boy. He scolded himself, remembering that Jihoon deserves his privacy and he wouldn't like if Seungcheol went looking through his stuff.

The other, stronger side of his brain thought otherwise, he felt his legs straighten perpendicular to the floor as they brought him closer to the ink-covered pages. At first, he just stood there, looking only at the word 'but.' He couldn't bring himself to sneak a peek at the other words.

As time passed, the good part of his mind was being taken over. The only thing left was a plan to make sure he wouldn't get caught. Skipping over several more words his eyes flickered to the corners for page numbers.

He studied the position of the book and decided it was only safe to read the page the book was opened to. Several words and added lines decorated the paper, Seungcheol was thankful he could read music notes.

-

"Seungcheol, you're doing it again." Wonwoo knocked on the wooden frame to his door. Seungcheol barely looked up from his phone, his eyes were only able to catch Wonwoo's shoes.

"I'm just making sure I don't miss anything," the phone slowly moved away from his face but it was brought between two eyes within a second. Wonwoo's sigh caused one of Seungcheol's to come out too.

"You've been waiting 3 years, I'm pretty sure he'll be able to wait a few minutes, no, he'll only be waiting a few seconds because once you get the notification you'll be whipping your phone out before the vibration even ends.

"Wonwoo you don't understand, today is Wednesday, I met him on a Wednesday. He was probably waiting for a Wednesday to text me and it could just be that this Wednesday-"

"Seungcheol you sound like you're on drugs. Put the phone down and come with us, it's the first Friday Frenzy of the school year, Soonyoung and all of them want to go. For all you know he could perform there, you know his abilities. If he wanted, he'll be chosen to join a company in no time. If you don't watch him perform now, you'll probably never watch him ever.

"I could watch him perform if he becomes famous," Seungcheol grumbled, still looking at his phone screen though now the brightness was no longer stinging his eyes.

"Are you willing to wait that long? There's also a chance you'll never see him live, hear his singing live, experience his facial features as he sings, all live-"

"Live, I get it, move."

-

"You're sick, and you're not leaving this household." An icy cold hand burned against the skin of Seungcheol's forehead as the brain on the inside was trying to figure out whether he was hot or cold.

Seungcheol had one foot out of the blanket and the opposite arm on top. He couldn't breathe through his nose nor could he keep his eyes open, there was only one thing allowing him to sit upright, the bedrest.

"Mom, I can't miss the show, Jihoon might be performing."

"Has Jihoon ever performed before?" Seungcheol avoided the question by trying to clear his nasal cavity. "Seungcheol, don't push yourself too hard, I'll call Jihoon's mother and ask if he's performing..." his eyes were filled with hope.

The feverish color to his cheeks and the sadness that appeared when he thought of missing Jihoon's performance was strong enough to bend his mother's willpower. "You can go. You can only go if Jihoon is performing, and you're leaving right after he finishes."

The pillows suddenly felt much softer, and his nose was finally clearing up, his brain made the decision he was hot. The blanket was thrown to the side of the bed for a while as he waited.

The words, "he's not performing," escaped his mother's throat and suddenly he was cold, the pillow was hot, and he felt the mucus running towards his lip.

"Seungcheol you're overreacting, do you want to ask Mrs. Lee yourself? Actually, don't talk. I'll put her on speaker." A button was pressed before a static greeting came through.

"Hello?" The static asked, Seungcheol recognized it as Jihoon's voice and smiled weakly, nodding to his mother that he would be okay before his eyes began to put him to sleep.

His eyelids twitched with every noise his mother made. They sounded like grenades going off in the distance. The last thing he heard was Jihoon's nasal voice coming over the speaker in one broken "Thank you"

-

When Seungcheol came out of memory land, he noticed the cars in front of him. The parking lot, Seungcheol could see his car from where he stood. Doyoon must have wanted to end the night already. Running his hand through his hair he blinked away the first tears of guilt.

"I thought I was over him, I really, really thought I was over him Doyoon. Please believe me," he confessed. He knew this was unfair to the other, that he deserved better than this.

He was angry with himself, why couldn't he get over Jihoon? Why can't he like Doyoon? Why isn't he happily on a date with the other?

There was a deep breath but neither of them knew who it was from, they were too busy focusing on other things, like how the other would react to certain movement, and certain words. Certain looks even.

Eyes were avoiding each other before a single sob was let out.

"I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to feel the same way about you." The guilt had eaten too much of Seungcheol's heart, he didn't know what he was saying anymore. He took a step forward but never shifted his weight. "I want to feel the same way about you, I really do. I promise. I do."

Doyoon remained silent and watched the tears roll off of Seungcheol's chin all the way down to the pavement. Seungcheol was gripping his phone but Doyoon didn't know if it was to ignore the message or keep it from crashing to the floor.

"You're kind, wonderful, and I want to like you back, I want to have a real relationship with you."

Want. The word 'want' hit Doyoon like a thousand bricks falling from the sky. He knew that if he looked at Seungcheol now, he wouldn't be able to stay for the whole speech.

When he closed his eyes he felt a tear on the verge of spilling over, it couldn't be saved but if he focused, it wouldn't roll.

"I want to forget about Jihoon. I don't want to like him, I don't want to torture you like this."

Setting his two lips between his teeth, Doyoon prepared himself for the next sentence. His head was dizzy, he wanted to tell Seungcheol to stop.

"I want you to be happy." The sentence could have gone unheard if Doyoon were trying to ignore it.

Though it reached ears, it reached a mind, and it reached a heart, forcing the tears being held back over the wall guarding them.

He finally moved and felt warm tears wet the fabric of his shirt and strong arms bring him closer. It would be a lie if he said he felt completely content, Seungcheol may be hugging him, but he had also explained he was still in love with Jihoon, and how he couldn't stop loving him.

The hug was one wanted, one that can keep a person content, but can't fill them up again. Seungcheol can want anything from Doyoon and he would give it.

He could want Doyoon to hold him, to kiss him, to cheer him up. He could want Doyoon to drive him places, and pretend that they are a couple. He could want Doyoon to pretend nothing is wrong, and he can want Doyoon's love.

But he will never need Doyoon, at least, not in the same way he needs Jihoon.


	3. Missing Something

He felt a chill creeping up his arms but he didn't make a move to gain any warmth. Thoughts and memories fogged up his brain as the sound of an engine starting squeezed its way through.

He checked the time, the numbers he got from his car were a few minutes ahead but he figured it would be okay to leave out the math.

According to his car time, he had 20 minutes to get to his house which was only 10 minutes away. He figured he could drive around for a while to try and clear his mind. The cafe parking lot began to strangle him.

He couldn't stop thinking about Doyoon, and the amount of pain he must be feeling.

-

Seungcheol stuck his tongue out at his group of friends and left the kitchen station. He glared at them from afar, particularly at the new kid. They wanted to make him feel welcomed, having come from China and all. He wondered to himself why someone else couldn't have left. He was usually always there. He remembered Jeonghan pointing out that was exactly why he needed to leave.

In kindergarten, Jeonghan was always the 'mom' when they played and Seungcheol would be the 'dad' with Wonwoo as their 'son'. When Joshua moved to Tailka in the middle of first grade Jeonghan wanted him to play the father role. Seungcheol fought about it for a moment, he was older than both of them and it didn't make sense but Jeonghan stressed that they were just pretending anyway.

Seungcheol got a few other 'brothers' over the years. In second grade, Joshua and Jeonghan 'adopted' Hoshi and Jun into the family. Around the start of third grade, Seokmin came. The maximum number of people that could play in the home setting was reached, which now explains Seungcheol's situation.

He was kicked out of the play area, the new kid from China met Jun on the way to the daycare center and Jun demanded they were to let him play with them. The teacher overheard and told them the six-person rule still applied so someone had to leave.

Seungcheol looked around the daycare center. He didn't want to color, and if he painted he would get it on the shirt and he did not want to relive the time his mother saw the stain from his sandwich, he never had another grilled cheese in his lunch after that.

There were Legos but those were always hard to clean up, he obviously wasn't going to read or do his homework, it was boiling hot outside, blocks were the only answer.

He asked the daycare worker if he could go to the other room, they led him through two doors. There were beanbags and carpets, Seungcheol wished he took naps when he was still young enough for them.

There he saw Jihoon, whom he never knew stayed at the daycare. He smiled even though Jihoon didn't see him, he was in the far corner building something by himself. He made his way over after thanking the worker.

"H-Hi Jihoon," he stuttered. The other hummed but never looked at Seungcheol. He was trying to set a red cube over a blue rectangular prism so there would be no sides hanging over. He seemed to be concentrating hard.

"What are you trying to build?" The other shrugged, still focusing on the building blocks, he stacked all the foam ones before using the wooden ones.

"I think it'll make that-" The sentence was cut off by the sound of wood clanking together and Jihoon's whine. "Don't glare! I'm sorry for disturbing your focus, the blocks will keep falling if you put the wooden ones on top, though. You should put them on the bottom, like this." He cautiously reached for the wooden blocks, nothing stopped him from taking it. He set it up exactly how Jihoon did with the foam.

He observed the way Jihoon saw the sculpture. He seemed pleased with it, he brought his hand up and he sent an ask to Seungcheol, wondering if he could knock it down.

"Go ahead, it's your turn to build something." The blocks fell to the ground once again but this time on purpose. Seungcheol didn't say anything else to the younger, he just watched him figure out how to balance things out. He was able to help once in a while, holding parts of the bottom blocks so it would be more stable.

-

"Have you heard about the new kid?" Two chairs down from where Seungcheol was sitting, he heard his fellow classmates whisper. The class started a few minutes ago but the teacher hadn't entered the room yet.

"What new kid?"

"There's a new kid being transferred to Tailka. I heard he has this class."

"Where'd you hear that?"

"The girls have been talking about it."

"They gossip about everything-"

"Class, please take your proper seats and pay attention to the new student we have today. Would you like to introduce yourself?" Miss Lastina came through the door, crouching a little to ask the new boy the question. When they made their way to the front of the room Seungcheol made eye contact.

"My name is Jang Doyoon, I moved here from Noko Elementary and I'm the newest student at Tailka." The student smiled brightly at the rest of he classroom.

"You can sit next to Seungcheol. Seungcheol, please raise your hand."

Five fingers appeared into the air, catching the new kid's attention. Footsteps made their way toward those five fingers as they descended back to the pocket of a sweater.

"Nice to meet you Seungcheol."

"Nice to meet you too Doyoon, why'd you move?" He put the small notebook he was working in away.

"My parents like to travel, they said we'll be staying here for a while. I don't know how long. What were you writing?" Seungcheol blushed and mentally scolded himself for not being able to hide it fast enough.

"Just a letter." He successfully stored the supply away and got out the one for class.

"Was it a love letter?" Doyoon reached into Seungcheol's desk to retrieve the old notebook but his hand was harshly swatted away as if it were a fly nearing a piece of pizza. "Ow, I just wanted to see it."

"It's not for you!" Seungcheol made the statement clear by tightening his hold on Doyoon's wrist. It wasn't tight enough to hurt the other but it did scare him a little. They spent the rest of class in silence.

They were allowed to go to lunch and before Doyoon could get onto the playground a hand pulled him back. "Look I'm sorry for grabbing your things without permission. I just wanted to see what you were writing."

Doyoon didn't want to look into Seungcheol's eyes. The hand around his wrist left but neither of them made a move.

"No, I'm sorry. You're new and curious, I could have handled it differently. I usually don't act out like that but-" he stopped mid-sentence and dug through his pockets. "Please accept my apology." Seungcheol held a poorly torn out and folded sheet of notebook paper and handed it out to Doyoon.

"What's this?" Doyoon unfolded the sheet and smiled at the acrostic poem spelling out his name.

"J. Just because you reached for my personal things, I shouldn't have acted like that. A. After all, it was probably hard to move here right? N. Now I'm making this and I feel horrible because I'm pretty sure you hate me. G. Gee, I hope you know I really want to be friends and I hope you're not scared of me. D. Did you know you dress really nice? O. One more chance is all I need I'm really sorry for my horrible deed." He looked up at Seungcheol, amused with the only rhyme.

"Y. You don't have to. I know I did wrong and you have every right to hate me. O. Oh, I have a friend named Wonwoo that I usually hang out with and he doesn't talk much so if you forgive me and hang out with me then don't get scared of him, he's friendly. O. One day, I'll show you what's inside the notebook, I promise. N. Now, please tell me if you want to be my friend or not." He looked at Seungcheol, seemingly unamused with the ending of the letter.

Once Seungcheol but his lip, he broke out into a smile, laughing at his hearts content. "Yes, of course, I thought you were just having a bad day. I would have tried again tomorrow, if you didn't like me tomorrow, then the next day. You seemed lonely. I wasn't going to leave you like that." He tucked the note away into his backpack and held out his hand for Seungcheol to take. "Let's go to lunch, where does that Wonwoo guy usually wait for you?"

-

It was the second day of sixth grade, Seungcheol was walking towards the spot he and his friends agreed to hang out in. When he got to the spot and dropped his backpack near the tree Doyoon took his arm and asked him to follow him towards the hallway.

"Seungcheol, I know you like Jihoon, I know how much you like Jihoon, but I like you. I like you a lot really." He scratched his head, embarrassed even though no one was inside the bathroom.

"Are you asking me out? I'll say yes. I don't think anyone should be rejected, I've experienced it and I don't want you to feel that way." There was sincerity in his eyes, he truly cared about Doyoon's emotions, he liked Doyoon but he knew what kind of like Doyoon was talking about. The like he has towards the other is definitely different, but Doyoon doesn't need to know what rejection is.

"You're willing to go out with me even though you don't like me?" Doyoon looked offended in a way, he didn't want a fake relationship, he thought that confessing to Seungcheol would somehow cause his feelings to change about Jihoon and move towards him.

"I do like you, I care about you a lot. I promise I'll treat you like we are in an actual relationship. I really do want you to be happy." He took a step closer but the door to the bathroom opened. Wonwoo came to check up on them.

Paying no mind to the other, Doyoon finished the discussion, "I want to date you when you want to date me. I don't want to date you unless you're the one asking. I'll wait for you, I'll wait till then. Thank you, Seungcheol." He left the bathroom after giving a look towards Wonwoo.

Wonwoo sighed and watched Doyoon walk down the ramp before closing the door. "You know, we're only in sixth grade, we're too young to be thinking about things like this, too young to date. You shouldn't date a person just because you don't want them to be rejected."

"Wonwoo you don't know how it feels. I don't blame Doyoon for saying he'll wait, you know how long it's been since I've started waiting for Jihoon and I'm not going to stop waiting anytime soon. I can love Jihoon while taking care of other people. It might not make sense to you, but I know what I'm doing." He put his hand on the shoulder of his best friend before exiting the bathroom as well.

-

Back in the car Seungcheol finally set it into reverse. He exhaled through his mouth louder than he usually would and inhaled in broken breaths. He was mad at himself and wondered why he was like how he was. He wondered why he had to fall in love with Jihoon. Most of all, he wondered why he couldn't keep everyone happy even if he never rejected them.

He hit every red light, it was calming, in a way, Jihoon was at Friday Frenzy right? So he wouldn't be waiting right at the moment, maybe he could catch the other while he was entering his apartment.

There was a ding coming from his phone, his heart rate sped up faster than he could set the car into park again. He searched for the source of the chime, the message was telling him that Jihoon went home early but he could take his time. Just remember to knock instead of ringing the doorbell because his parents might be sleeping.

-

"Seungcheol when are you going to shut up about Jihoon?" Doyoon was already bored with the topic for the day, it's been the same topic for weeks. Today Seungcheol was talking about how he was able to see Jihoon at lunch this year because he had the second schedule but now he'll be leaving and he swore he was willing to get held back a grade if his mother lets him.

"What? Doyoon I thought you said you were okay with it." Seungcheol sat down next to the other on the couch which caused the other to lay on their side and rest their head on the plush armrest.

"I was." Doyoon sighed and turned onto his back, trapping Seungcheol with his feet. "I was until..." He ran his fingers through his hair, covering his eyes with his arm, he couldn't face Seungcheol, he was ashamed of himself for feeling this way.

"If you don't want me to talk to you about Jihoon you could have always told me, I would have been glad as long as you're happy." Seungcheol tapped his fingers on the bare kneecaps uncovered by Doyoon's jeans.

"That's exactly what frustrates me." Doyoon let his arms fall, he felt the tips of his fingers brush against a shoulder and apologized if he had hurt him.

"You didn't hurt me. I'm frustrating you because I care about you?" Seungcheol's fingers stopped and he looked at Doyoon while the other looked at him.

"You met Jihoon when you were, what, five?" He waved his hands around, acting as if it made everything make more sense.

"Jihoon was three, I was four." Seungcheol corrected. Legs swung off of his and feet met the carpet, Seungcheol had to scoot away a little so Doyoon could sit comfortably.

"Okay, you were four, now you're fifteen. That was nine years ago. When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"You mean like, he responded back to me?"

"Yes, you had a conversation. The whole, you were talking to him and he was talking back to you ordeal. When was the last time you did that with him?"

"... When he was three and I was four." Seungcheol felt ashamed after admitting it, he was beginning to feel a little foolish for his actions.

"Wait really? I thought you were talking to him even after that? Not even text?" Doyoon stood up and walked across the room, fingers threaded through his hair. "Seungcheol this is even worse than I thought it would be."

"What do you mean? I don't think there's anything wrong with me liking Jihoon, there are things that you don't know about him. He's a secretive person so you wouldn't know him the way I know him." Seungcheol stood as well, fist clenching at his sides. He wondered what caused Doyoon to act this way.

Doyoon was acting as if Jihoon was planning a murder on Seungcheol, like Jihoon was out to get him but he knows Jihoon isn't like that. Jihoon's a shy person with high standards of what has to be done. He's hard on himself and overthinks everything which leads him to become insecure.

"How do you 'know' him Seungcheol?" Air quotes were being used and it added fuel to the rage bubbling up inside Seungcheol. "You just told me that the last time you had an actual conversation with the guy was when you were four. How do you even remember that early in your life? If you don't have conversations with people how do you know what they are like? What they are thinking? How they take in something? How do you know all of these things Seungcheol?"

Doyoon's hands were flying around his head, around his body, and down to his sides. He let out his frustrations through his questions and probing, he wanted Seungcheol to feel just how irritating it all was. "Why won't you just love me? You met Jihoon before you met me, I get that, but Seungcheol you've only had a real conversation with him when you were four. You've been talking to me, every day, since the day I moved in fifth grade."

The statement made Seungcheol soften, he suddenly knew how Doyoon felt, ignored and helpless like he wanted to let go but something just held him back. "I do care about you Doyoon, I want you to be happy. Just ask me out and I'll be your boyfriend."

"See this, this is why I like you so much. When you say that," he made a swatting motion without actually hitting anything, "When you say stuff like that and it feels like it'll come true but I know, Seungcheol everyone knows, that when you say you love them, it's different from what you really mean."

"What are you trying to say?"

"What I'm trying to say is, you don't romantically love me. You romantically love Jihoon. Your heart basically belongs to Jihoon. Jihoon only. That's why I can't ask you out right now. Maybe I'll reach my breaking point, I don't know when that will happen but I doubt it'll be soon." By this time, Doyoon's tears fell and spread across his cheeks from failed prevention.

Seungcheol stayed quiet for a while, thinking over everything Doyoon said, he questioned his logic, what he was doing. He knew he would never be able to ask someone out when he loved Jihoon, but he also knew he could never reject someone knowing how it felt.

"Doyoon I-" He looked at his friend, they were promoting out of middle school and they were becoming freshman in the next year. There were always sayings about how high school changes you and how they are the best four years of your life but Seungcheol wondered if they were really going to be the best if they're ending this year on a bad foot.

"Seungcheol just get out... I'll see you... I'll see you." Doyoon opened the door to let Seungcheol out.

-

He cursed as he hit yet another red light. He just wanted to get home so he could finally talk to Jihoon again. Sure he's seen the other around and greeted him with a smile but the shorter boy never replied. Seungcheol learned to be content with it, as long as Jihoon knew Seungcheol was always going to be there.

He smiled at his own actions and excitement to see Jihoon. Guilt from his fight with Doyoon still lingered but as he got closer and closer to Jihoon's requested destination he couldn't help but feel giddy. Right as the light turned green he stomped onto the gas pedal and sped off.

He didn't know there was a speeder going down the right lane until it crashed into the back of his car. He lurched to the left and felt the impact of the glass window, his vision blurred for a moment and he blinked, trying to focus on not letting his car tip over. Something was dripping down the side of his face, he was sure it had to be blood but he ignored it. Just as he tried to grab the wheel again the airbag let out and sent his chest and body rushing towards the back of his seat.

His head met the seat rest harder than he wanted it to and it was suddenly very hard to keep his eyes open. The searing pain running along every surface of his head and emanating from the open wound on the left side made him hiss. He took deep breaths, trying to focus on something other than the pain. The world was spinning and Seungcheol tried his best to relax.

He didn't know how long it had been since he's been resting, there were sirens and people talking. His eyes weren't open but he could see the flashing light from behind his eyelids. Rolling his head to the side he pleaded for someone help, several people came rushing toward him.

"He's alive! Get him out and check any injuries quickly." A calm commanding voice instructed the paramedics. Seungcheol felt for the button that unlocked all his doors. He felt the pain in his head come back in a tenfold and screamed in pain.

"The door..." he panted, grunting in pain with every word. "Unlocked." The door swung open and the weight of his arm pulled him down as it fell. The sudden movement caused him to scream again.

"Sir, please relax, we'll get you out of here. The movements will be painful but we're bringing you to the hospital to get treated. If you understood and heard me squeeze my hand twice." He tightened around the hand set in his twice, glad they weren't making him talk.

With shallow breaths, he groaned every time they shifted him onto the straight board. "It hurts." He said although he was sure they already knew that, admitting it made the pain slightly more bearable.

No one replied to him as he said it several more times, he felt them lift him up and set them onto the stretcher. "It hurts so much."

"Sir, what is the number lock on your phone?" They asked him inside the ambulance vehicle.

"Phone..." Seungcheol got drowsy once the vehicle started moving.

"Sir please stay awake, can you tell us your phone password so we can get your relatives to the hospital faster?"

"One..." He thought for a moment, the person in the car with him repeated the number back, "One... Two... Two." They nodded.

"Sir we are going to take the lock off your phone, we think you might have lost your memory. Please show a sign you understood." Seungcheol let out a grunt and began to breathe slower.

"Sir does anything but your head hurt?" Seungcheol put his thumb up and tried to say his shoulders but it was getting harder and harder to stay awake." The constant calls became farther and farther away as he drifted into dreamland.

-

There was a commercial on the television, one both Seungcheol, and Jihoon knew by heart at a young age. Although neither of them could pronounce the words perfectly right, they knew how it sounded and that's all that mattered to them. They laughed together and ate the snacks provided.

Seungcheol saw the way Jihoon's eyes lit up at the melody and rhythm, Seungcheol looked down at the now empty bag of Funyun rings and reached for Jihoon's. Thinking the other wouldn't notice since he was so entertained by the commercial.

Jihoon saw him, though, and moved his bag of chips away from the older four-year-old. "No." Seungcheol lunged for the fried treats, making them spill all over.

Jihoon attacked him, hitting his chest over and over, the little fit didn't stop at the punching. When he saw the mess again he screamed even louder than before. Seungcheol panicked, realizing what he did wrong and he began to cry with Jihoon.

Their parents came in, asking why they were upset. Both the boys pointed towards the mess of chips, making even louder sobs. They quieted the two children. Jihoon went home and Seungcheol's mom consulted him about what happened and why he should have just asked.

-

Seungcheol woke up from his dream when he heard someone trying to hold in their sobs. He cracked an eye open but closed it just as fast. Pain spread from his eyes to the rest of his head and he groaned.

He could faintly hear a gasp and many people standing up, he tried opening his eyes again to see who it was.

From the second brief moment he opened his eyes he was able to see the end of his bed surrounded by many people, he couldn't get their faces but he had a feeling about who they all were.

His mother's voice was the first one he heard after fully waking up. "Seungcheol are you awake? If it hurts too much to talk, move your toes to let us know you can hear us." There were tears in her voice he could tell. He wanted to tell her so it wouldn't seem that big of a deal but the sounds already seemed louder than they actually were.

Thankfully, moving his toes weren't so hard and the pain was bearable. "Seungcheol do you want us to press the buttons for your pain killers?" Another voice in the room spoke up, Seungcheol guessed it was the nurse, he didn't recognize the voice.

"The doctor will be in here any second so it's best he takes the medicine to able to answer all the questions. The doctor is going to ask you to leave. As I've said before, we believe Seungcheol received slight memory loss. We will just ask questions regarding his memory."

Seungcheol opened his eye for the third time and forced himself to keep them open so they would adjust faster. It was easier than how it was before, the medicine was fast. All his friends were there, and his parents. He felt someone was still missing, maybe he did lose part if his memory. He knew all their names, though.

A knock came from the door and all heads turned towards the entering doctor with respect. His eyes went to Seungcheol before he introduced himself.

"Hello, my name is Doctor Nome, I specialize in neurology and sicknesses that have to do with it. If you could all just leave for a moment so I can ask Seungcheol here some questions regarding his memory." He stepped aside so the doorway was no longer blocked. They filed out, Seungcheol watched them with steady eyes trying to figure out what was upsetting him.

"Are you comfortable? Do you want to change your position or have any questions for me?" He sat down in a chair and scooted over to Seungcheol so his neck wouldn't be too strained.

"Was there anyone that came into the room but left? Or anyone that wanted to see me but couldn't?" The doctor thought about all the people leaving the room, there were several of them so it took him a while but he didn't recall someone leaving before he had woken up.

"No, there weren't any people like that, everyone that came in only left when I requested them to. Do you have any more questions for me before I begin my own questionnaire?"

"No sir." Seungcheol shook his head. He decided he wasn't going to do that again because even with the medicine it hurt to move his head the slightest.

"You hit your head on the left side?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did anyone from before seem unfamiliar?"

"No sir, I know all of their names."

"Before the crash, have you ever experienced times where you are able to remember days perfectly as if you were reliving them?"

"Yes sir," he paused and took a breath, the doctor waited patiently for whatever he prepared to say. "I've researched before, I was worried because I knew it wasn't normal. Do you think I have hyperthymesia?"

Doctor Nome smiled a bit and nodded. "Yes, I do think that you have hyperthymesia. Usually, it takes a while for people to remember their loved one's names and you told me you were able to recognize all of them?"

"Yes, sir. I know all of their names, I'm positive."

"We are sure you lost your memory, the hit you took to your head was not something that would leave just a scar, it was bound to do something to your brain. When we did a scan we saw there was a part of your brain that was larger than other parts. Do you remember where you were going last night and do you remember why?"

"I was going home... I think it was because my friend wanted to talk to me so I was in a rush. I didn't run a red light, I promise. Then the other car hit me and the ambulance came."

"You seemed to have gotten it all right. Besides the fact your head will be hurting, I think you will be fine. You'll just be remembering things like others will. Kind of like you lost your hyperthymesia."

"Am I getting it back?"

"Unsure for now. It's a fifty-fifty chance but I don't think you have to worry about it."

Seungcheol blinked when there was a sudden pain in the left side of his head. "You're sure I had hyperthymesia? I thought that when people diagnose themselves it's usually wrong because if you had the right if mind to diagnose it then you don't have it."

"That's still a rumor. You can think you have depression, get checked, and have depression. It's one if the ways you can get help, by admitting it. The worst outcome of hyperthymesia is the fact those who have it remember even the saddest events in their life and that can alter everything they do. Since you didn't wake up screaming for someone to get out when you saw them, I think you're fine."

"Thank you." Seungcheol gave a small smile which the doctor returned gratefully.

"I'll be letting everyone in now, do you think you will be able to withstand loud noises? Some of them have been loud."

Seungcheol let out a little chuckle, picturing Soonyoung and Seokmin together, pain sparked through the left side of his head again but he nodded.

The door opened and the stampede came in, all asking him questions of their own. His parents shushed the group of friends and got all of them to take turns.

"Does it hurt anywhere?" He had the urge to roll his eyes at his mother but he resisted.

"Nothing too bad, just my head, neck, and shoulders. The medicine is making it tolerable." A soft buzzing sound came from beneath him and he looked to Jisoo to see what he was up to.

"Doesn't it strain your neck when you're trying to talk to us? I'm just elevating your head a bit." The buzzing continued for a while and Wonwoo asked what happened before the crash.

"I didn't run a red light, and I wasn't drunk, but I think the person that crashed into me was. I was going home, I think Doyoon and I had a fight?" The night before was a bit hazy, usually, it would just come to him but he had trouble remembering now.

"Doyoon and you had a fight?" Jeonghan was the next one to ask a question. By the time he asked Jisoo was at his side again, finished helping Seungcheol with the bed.

"Yeah, I forgot what it was about, I'll have to apologize once I see him again. Thanks, Jisoo." He leaned his head back against the pillows, much more comfortable than before. He saw Jisoo smile and Wonwoo make a face. He was about to comment about it but the door opened.

All head turned to see Doyoon, tears tracks were being traced with new tears once he saw Seungcheol's condition.

"It's a lot worse than it looks you know," Seungcheol grinned, making Doyoon put on a bittersweet smile and let out a small sobbing noise.

"I'm sorry," Doyoon said, walking up to the injured man, "I'm so sorry if only I had stayed longer and tried to solve it maybe you wouldn't have gotten hit and-"

"Doyoon take a deep breath. I'm still alive, my head hurts like hell and my shoulders aren't comfortable either but I'm alive. It wasn't your fault, neither of us knew that guy was going to be running the red light, calm down."

"When is he getting released?" Joshua spoke up, asking for the people also wondering.

"Next Monday depending on how great his pain is. At most two weeks, it shouldn't be longer than that."


	4. Ongoing Confusion

"Did you hear what happened?" The rumors started up again, another regular Monday at Yennin High.

"What?" They spread like a plague, one moment one person suspects it, the next person makes it a statement. They go off to tell their friends and their friends tell their friends and an exponential growth of lies takes place. Though, at rare times, they can be true.

"Seungcheol didn't go to Friday Frenzy, and lost his memory in a car crash." Gasps from the circle of girls could be heard down the hall and caught the attention of those eavesdropping.

"Really? Did he forget about-"

"He didn't see him perform?"

-

Seungcheol groaned, trying to let his eyes relax enough to put him to sleep. Ever since he's been discharged from the hospital 3 days ago all he's been allowed to do is sleep and eat. His mother had taken away anything that caused extra work for his brain.

"But Mom, if I work out my brain don't you think I'll get better at a faster pace?" He heard her moving around the room and opened his eyes. She picked up the dirty laundry from his carpet and tossed them into the bin next to the door. She stood by the exit, hands on her hips and a stern look painted on her features.

"I don't think texting is something that can help your brain. If you want to work out your brain I would recommend reading. Don't read in too dark of light because it could strain your eyes and make your head worse. Don't even try to start with your phone either mister," she waved her finger in the air slowly and his eyes were fixed on it as if he was hypnotized. "Reading text messages are not the same as reading a book," she took a step out the door and it began to swing closed, "and the bright light from your phone could strain your eyes as well."

Seungcheol resisted the urge to roll his eyes at how his mother was treating him. It was nice to have his room cleaned without having to move but the constant exiting and entering along with no entertainment or much freedom, he was beginning to become bored with the routine. She was right about reading, if he was really bored he could do it, but he wasn't bored to the extent he would read outside of school.

His mother brought out all thirteen books from The Series of Unfortunate events. He remembered the frustrations trying to figure out what VFD was supposed to be and turned onto the other side of his bed wondering what to do. His head wasn't in pain anymore but he wasn't about to spend his time off school reading.

Closing his eyes, he thought of the fact his hyperthymesia was gone. The doctor said it wouldn't be much of a big deal but he felt off about something and it's been bothering him ever since he woke up but he didn't want to bring it up if he couldn't explain it.

-

Seungcheol was sitting in class, his heart was racing and he couldn't stop looking up from his paper to the person in front of him. He had a feeling the other person was famous and found it weird how no one else was looking at him.

He examined the pink hair on the top of the famous person's head, something in his heart made him feel warm and he ended up smiling. The pink hair shifted and Seungcheol noticed that the object of his attention had eyes too and stared back at him. He played with his lips and his eyes went back to his paper. He looked at one number before looking up again and repeating what he was doing before. The events repeated themselves several times but Seungcheol couldn't find it in him to stop. It was like looking at the person was the only thing he was able to do.

The bell rang but Seungcheol never heard it, he just followed the actions of everyone else packing up their stuff. He was walking to his physical education class but before he could get into the locker room his teacher stopped him.

"Seungcheol, I need you to get the balls in the storage room for me, you don't have to dress out today, I just need you to do this favor." Keys were placed into his hands and he watched his teacher's back get smaller and smaller going into the field his classmates already began to jog on.

Looking down at the keys, he shrugged and did as told, walking towards the storage room he heard a child laughing. When he turned the corner he saw the same famous person from before playing with a familiar child. "That's so cute." He mumbled before continuing his way down the hall and getting the rack full of basketballs.

He was pushing them back down the hallway and peeked into the room from before. The two people were still there but instead of just playing with the toddler's hands the famous person was carrying the small child while playing with her hair. He brought his face closer the others and rubbed their noses together, smiling cheekily as the toddler let out a happy giggle.

"That's so cute!" Seungcheol covered his mouth, cursing whatever possessed him to say those words in the first place. The creature possessing him held him in place even when heads turned in slow motion. His heart was beating rapidly and his breath was caught in his throat.

The famous person smiled at him. Seungcheol managed to wave just before waking up.

-

He scrunched his face up before relaxing and opening his eyes to see where he was. It was just a dream. He looked out the window to find an azure color peeking through the blinds. He threw his feet over the side of his bed and headed out to eat breakfast.

"Mom," he called, on his way to the kitchen he stopped by his parent's room to tell them about his plans.

"Mn... Yes, Seungcheol?" The sleepy reply made Seungcheol smile lightly.

"I'm going to school today so don't freak out when I'm not in bed. Since you won't be awake before I leave, bye and thank you," more groans from sleep and something sounding like an okay made its way through the crack in the door.

Parts of his dream came back to mind when he was eating cereal, he looked up and thought about how his eyes would catch the others and he wondered why no one else was looking at him. He looked at the bowl of cereal as if it were the paper he had in his dream. He couldn't remember the face of the little girl but he knew her from somewhere. Maybe it was his mother's face when she was a baby.

He looked at the empty bowl in the sink and wondered if he should wash it or not. If he didn't wash it, it would most likely remind his mother about what he said while she was half asleep but if he didn't wash it he could get in trouble later in the day and his mother would go off on the famous maid rap.

He guessed that he would just leave it, he figured she would check his room first thing after she fully wakes up then panics but once she sees the dirty dishes she'll calm down and know Seungcheol was fine.

He didn't know how thankful he could be for his parents. Through the 4 days he stayed home they got his car fixed from the crash and it looked brand new. He knew that he had to pay them back later in life which eventually lead to him thinking about which jobs he would get.

Whistling on his way to school he made sure to wait for a little while before pressing on the gas when the light turned green, you can't be completely calm when you drive after a car crash. He remembered freaking out the first time he got in the car. When he saw it after leaving the hospital his feet froze in place for a while and he was anxious the whole way home. He guessed that was why his mother kept him home.

He arrived at school safely and shook out all his nerves after getting out of the car. He only hit a single red light and it was before he turned into the street he parks on. It was always busy and there have been crashes before so he was a little on edge while turning.

"You actually drove?" Wonwoo's voice came from behind him right after he finished the little dance. He turned and saw both Wonwoo leaning up against his car and Mingyu getting out of another door.

"Yeah, my parents were sleeping and I woke up on time so here I am." He put his hands in the air and even made a jazz hand movement.

"Why would you go to school, though?" Mingyu shut the door and fixed his outfit. "I mean, it's," there was a short pause as he tried to find the right word, "school."

"You're all here, and-aw shit I forgot my phone..." Seungcheol felt his pocket holes and didn't find any cellular device. Sighing he continued, "I don't like going out alone, you guys know that, and I don't have my phone because my mom took it away since it might 'make my situation worse'" He exaggerated the finger quotes and almost hit Mingyu's face. "Oh sorry."

"No problem. I still would have slept in."

"Then I guess I'm weird." Seungcheol fixed the strap on his backpack so it was more comfortable. 

"Seungcheol we all knew that you didn't have to say it," Wonwoo teased.

"Then can I just say-"

"Seungcheol!" The familiar voice cut him off and they all turned to see a perky Doyoon walk down the hall.

"Doyoon." Seungcheol opened his arms as wide as he was allowed before enclosing them around Doyoon. He rested his cheek on the other's shoulder and brought him close.

"I missed you. Your mom finally let you out of the house?" Doyoon rested his lips on Seungcheol's cheek for a small moment before letting go and walking with the rest of them down the hall.

"She didn't really tell me I could go, I kind of just told her I was going to school today... When she was half asleep... But I'm sure she'll know I'm fine!" Seungcheol sped up the last part of his sentence when he saw Doyoon's facial expressions change with every word.

"I can't believe you."

"You know the car ride wasn't too bad-"

"No, not the car ride, the fact your mom might have a heart attack because of you." Seungcheol shoved him playfully, just enough to knock him off balance.

"Hey! I told you, I'm sure she'll be fine. She might freak out a little because I'm not in my bed but she'll be fine once she sees the dirty bowl of cereal in the sink she'll remember what I told her this morning." All three of them stopped to look at him for a moment.

"Seungcheol when they released you from the hospital did they say anything about your logic and reasoning being damaged?"

Seungcheol looked at all of them with a raised brow, was there really something wrong with what he did? "No, why?" The three of his friends exchanged looks then laughed in unison, slouching at the exact same time. "What?"

"Seungcheol, you know how to write." Mingyu held his hand out but it wasn't for Seungcheol to shake.

"Yeah and?" He looked to Wonwoo in the middle.

"You have some paper at your house right?"

"Yeah, of course." His eyes landed on the last person, his significant other.

"Seungcheol," Doyoon took his hands gently, squeezing them then letting go. "Seungcheol you could have written her a note..."

The three let the words sink in for three seconds before they burst out laughing again. Seungcheol flushed red and shoved them all down the hallway.

-

"You're so stupid." Jun shook his head then bit off the ketchup-covered end of his fry. Minghao gratefully accepted the few offered to him and Doyoon reached for some but instead he got a slap to the top of his hand.

"It was early in the morning and the only thing I've used my mind for since the crash was to make sure the spoon made it to my mouth, don't judge." His arms crossed.

"You're the eldest here right?" Jeonghan's laugh followed his question successfully contributing to Seungcheol's frustrations.

"Awww, don't let the meanies make fun of you," Doyoon cooed, brushing his nose over Seungcheol's shoulder repeatedly and wrapping his arms around Seungcheol's middle. Seungcheol smugly turned towards Doyoon to ignore all the other people at the table.

As his head rested on Doyoon's shoulder the dream he had came back and he noticed there weren't any butterflies in his stomach at the moment. His heart rate wasn't speeding up, he didn't see it as an overly-happy feeling, he was happy but in the dream and he was happy right now but when he saw the famous person, the feeling then could be described as happier.

Disguarding his thoughts, he told himself that it was just because it was a famous person and Doyoon has been a close friend since ever so he felt it was normal.

"Hey, are you okay? You know we're just kidding right?" Mingyu caught the sullen expression on Seungcheol's face, he looked up at Wonwoo to try and figure out what was happening but he saw Wonwoo hadn't figured it out either.

"Huh?" Snapping out of his thoughts he looked around at the table and saw everyone was looking at him. "What? Oh, yeah I'm fine sorry. My head just kind of started hurting a little. It's nothing too bad, promise." He made eye contact with everyone and kissed the top of Doyoon's head to calm his worries.

-

"So what really happened earlier at lunch today?" Hopping on the chance right away, Wonwoo nudged Seungcheol's shoulder to catch his attention.

"My head hurt..." Seungcheol shied away and fixed his backpack strap.

"Seungcheol." The two stopped before the turn, Seungcheol sighed and walked back up the hallway to get away from all the rushing students.

"Are there any famous people that go here? I think I forgot about them."

"People that go here become famous if that's what you're asking." Wonwoo's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"Right I know that. Hold on let me think of another question." Seungcheol pinched the area between his closed eyes. "Do I admire any celebrities? I had a dream last night that I was sitting across from some famous person and I was freaking out because they saw me and smiled and stuff."

"You don't admire someone famous perse," he tilted his head to the side and the pitch in his voice changed in pitch enough to make Seungcheol ask the right question.

"What do you mean?"

"Well-"

"Seungcheol!" "Wonwoo!" Two voices echoed down the hall where they were supposed to turn earlier.

"Why are you guys so slow?" "Seungcheol are you okay?" They called for their significant others after each other in a pattern. "Oh, there you guys are, what's taking you so long?"

"Seungcheol said that he was confused about something and I was just helping him remember." The older ones of the pairs began to walk again so the younglings didn't have to walk anymore.

"Oh, what were you confused about? Where we meet up? If you have to do any after school things..." Mingyu's suggestions continued for a while before Seungcheol shook his head.

"I was just wondering if I idolized anyone before the crash, I had a dream about some famous person but I don't know their name."

"Oh well you always used to- Doyoon!"

Seungcheol quickly caught his significant other before he could get too close to the ground. "Are you okay?" Seungcheol checked the other's face and looked into his eyes. Doyoon could feel guilt laying in his gut but he would ignore it for now. Nodding his head he fixed himself onto his feet.

"I'm fine, I wasn't paying attention. I'm fine really." He rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding Wonwoo's piercing look. "Can you give me a ride home?"

"You didn't have a ride home? What were you going to do if I didn't come to school today?"

"I would have just walked..."

"Yeah, I'll give you a ride. Anyway, later Wonwoo, I think my mom would want me home as fast as possible and we already took our time talking. See you tomorrow!" He held his hand up and brought Doyoon towards his car. Before he got too far he could hear Mingyu whining about how Wonwoo wasted the appointment they had in the recording studio and he only signed up for an hour.

"Are you sure you're not hurt anywhere?" Seungcheol gave Doyoon a once over when he got into the car.

"I'm fine, Seungcheol. Are you sure you're okay driving?" He looked at the shaky hands on the wheel with concern, they waved him off and moved towards the gear shift to exit the parking lot.

"I made it to school fine didn't I? Plus if I don't drive now I might never drive again."

-

Seungcheol looked at his recent messages, wondering if he forgot any important events. His mother had finally given him his phone back once finishing his homework. He had some new messages from Doyoon, asking if he made it home safe and requesting a message once Seungcheol got his phone back. He laughed when he read the messages his mother sent to his friends the first day he got out of the hospital.

Moving to the next set of messages, his brows were brought close together after seeing the heart next to the name. He moved to Doyoon's contact name and found not even a single emoji next to it. He looked at the two names in confusion.

If Doyoon was his boyfriend why didn't he have a heart next to his name like this Jihoonie person?

Reading the previous messages from 'Jihoonie' something clicked in his head and he remembered liking someone other than Doyoon but he dated Doyoon because he wanted the other to be happy.

Was Jihoon the one he liked? Was Jihoon the one from his dream?

A knock came from his door and he turned to see his mother's head peeking through the small crack.

"Seungcheol, I don't want you staying up too late after recovery, I'll let you keep your phone but don't stay on it too long. Sleep soon okay?" He nodded towards her without really moving to drop the phone. "I mean it Seungcheol."

"I promise I'll sleep soon, I'm just confused about a few things and I'm asking Wonwoo about it." The door was closed after one more nod. Normally he would have felt guilty for lying like that to his mother but confusion still filled his brain. He really did end up texting Wonwoo, about talking to him tomorrow before school.

He lay in bed thinking about who Jihoon could be. It was familiar and something in his gut told him the person was important. There wasn't a picture to go with the contact so Seungcheol searched through his gallery for anything to refresh his memory about the person. All he found were pictures of him and Doyoon, that's right, Doyoon wanted a text once he got his phone.

He knew the message he sent wasn't one Doyoon would exactly want at first but he promised his mother he would sleep soon and small talk would require long hours of replies.

"I'm sorry if this ruins your day Doyoon," He whispered to the phone as the message changed from 'sending' to 'delivered'

'Hey Doyoon, I need to talk to you tomorrow about some things, or rather, someone, I forgot but, for now, I hope you're sleeping well. Goodnight.'


	5. Raw Feelings

Seungcheol tapped his foot on the wall behind him, searching the gates for Doyoon. The school day was about to start and he wanted to get the conversation over with as fast as possible. By groups, students walked through the metal doors chatting and laughing with each other. Seungcheol caught someone's eyes and they immediately began to whisper into the ear of their friend.

Furrowing his brows he watched them walk past through the other set of doors, he could barely hear Jihoon's name. He turned his head in attempts to hear the rest of the conversation but everything they were whispering about was overpowered by the other conversations going on in the hall.

He continued his search for Doyoon, more groups walked through and there were more groups talking about Jihoon, occasionally he would hear his own name but he could never figure out the rest of the sentences. 

The long blaring of the bell resounded through the courtyard and Seungcheol had no choice but to get to class his eyes took one more sweep across the right gate, fountain, and left gate; still no sign of Doyoon.

First period went by faster than he remembered it would. The first thing he knew was that Mr. Ake was getting side tracked by all the underachieving students that always talk then complain about how they don't understand what he was trying to teach. Seungcheol blocked out their remarks about how Mr. Ake didn't know how to teach and the next thing he knew, he was going to his English class.

He opened the binder and a small folded paper fell to the floor. 

'After school, I must walk with you along the road

Saying "Good Morning" and "Goodnight" with you so you can't let go of your phone

I have a lot of plans but when I start I can't say anything.'

Seungcheol's brows were knit together when he read the three lines over and over again and wondered if it was for Jihoon. He wished he wrote the date down to know whether it was written before or after he and Doyoon got together.

He flicked his pencil around in his hand as they read Shakespear for the fifth time. Not paying attention to Hamlet swearing upon the blood on his palm to keep his father's secret he turned his head when he heard his pencil hit the carpeted floor. Leaning over in his chair he checked the tip and examined the chipped edge, sighing he marked a piece of paper to dull down the lead.

As he traced over the same spot repeatedly he felt a sense of deja vu. He grabbed onto the memory and trailed it back to a room but he couldn't figure out exactly where it was. It wasn't his room, his room had curtains instead of blinds and his desk was black, not wooden with a built-in light. 

There was a journal on the desk and he read it, guilt began to settle in his gut but he couldn't point out exactly why.

-

"Wonwoo." Seungcheol pulled on the other's arm to get his attention, his friend turned and slowed his pace so they could walk together.

He teased a little before addressing Seungcheol's concern, "Mingyu's going to nag about me being slow again but what's up?"

"Who's Jihoon?"

"You remembered him?" Wonwoo's face held shock and relief, causing confusion to spark in Seungcheol's brain.

"Is it a good thing? Why are you so happy?" Fixing his composure by clearing his throat, Wonwoo shook his head.

"Nothing, you just seemed different when you don't know about him. He was your childhood crush." Wonwoo caught the sight of Seungcheol digging through his pockets and pulling out his phone.

"'Was' you say. When did I get over him and why do I have a heart by his name when I'm dating Doyoon?"

"You like Jihoon, even now, but you're dating Doyoon because you didn't want him to be rejected. Do you remember how many people you've dated?" Seungcheol stopped walking to focus on the question.

"I've dated a lot of people," he dumbly stated. Wonwoo nodded and pulled him so they would continue to walk. The hallway was almost empty and he was already anticipating the long lecture from Mingyu about being late.

"You dated them all but you've always liked Jihoon. You've liked him ever since you met, but he rejected you so you vowed to never reject anyone or break up with them."

"Why?" Seungcheol thought of how he was before and questioned his own logic. He saw Wonwoo's shoulders bob up for a moment.

"How should I know? I've been telling you throughout your whole life that you shouldn't be dating someone just so they don't get rejected but you never listened to me."

"You dated me too, I remember that." Seungcheol brought up. Wonwoo blushed at the embarrassment.

"I wanted to protect you, I guess I developed a small crush at that time, but it was more caring than romantic. I eventually got over it and broke up with you then you played cupid with Mingyu and me."

"Oh. How long have I known Jihoon?" He felt like a child, following Wonwoo as if he were lost in a store and they were bringing him to customer service.

"You sound so vulnerable it's kind of funny." Even though Seungcheol thought something similar he still felt his pride getting threatened and pulled his arm back to briskly walk beside Wonwoo. "Sorry, I'm just used to being the one to ask questions, you're rarely ever confused. You've known him since you were four."

"And Doyoon?"

"Since fifth grade."

"Does Doyoon like Jihoon? How come you never mentioned him?" They entered the cafeteria, Mingyu was frantically waving them over and Wonwoo put his hand up telling him to wait a little longer. The tall boy pouted and sat back down, Seungcheol saw him mentioning something to the rest.

"You only got back yesterday, your mom took away your phone and I was busy after school. I don't think Doyoon liked him, you've told me about fights between the two of you started because of Jihoon."

"How long has Doyoon liked me?"

"I have no idea, you'll have to ask him when you see him." They made their way towards the table seating their group of friends and Seungcheol immediately asked them about who Jihoon was.

"Oh, you mean the guy everyone's freaking out about?" Jeonghan raised his eyebrow, "Jisoo knows him."

"Just because we're in the same class and we were assigned a project together doesn't mean I know him. He's really quiet and doesn't talk much, why are you asking?" Jisoo rolled his eyes at his unphased boyfriend, Seungcheol smiled a bit at the interesting exchange.

"I think I had a dream about him-"

"That's weird-ow" Jun doubled over and rested his head on the table, clutching the spot Minghao elbowed.

"Anyway," Seungcheol continued, throwing Minghao a thankful glance and getting a smile in return, "I think I had a dream about him and I was just wondering if you guys would know why."

"You've asked me about him a couple of times, I used to bug him and eventually got close but we stopped talking because I started to spend time with Seokmin. Jisoo's right, though, Jihoon's a really quiet person."

"Why is everyone talking about him?" Seungcheol backtracked towards the first thing Jeonghan said.

"Oh, he performed at Friday Frenzy and he was really good, sorry you can't see him that one well, I was backstage with Seokmin."

When the video played Seungcheol heard a familiar tone, a high note getting echoed to become lower and lower then another sharp beat was hit, it repeated four times before a voice began a low rap.

"If I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go, I could take you places you ain't never been before. Baby take a chance or you'll never ever know, I got money in my hands I would really like to blow." There was a moment for Seungcheol to realize that yes, Jihoon was the person in his dream. He couldn't see the entirety of his face but the side profile was enough recognition. A smiled immediately formed on his lips, he caught Wonwoo's eyes and tried to control it. Over the general noise from the lunch area and the cheering in the audience Seungcheol could faintly hear the rest of the lyrics.

"I'd like to be, everything you want, hey boy, let me talk to you." Seungcheol felt a single heartbeat during the pause, did Jihoon just say...

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go. Keep me on your arm boy, you'd never be alone. I can be a gentleman, anything you want. If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, yeah I'd never let you go." The verse was repeated right as it ended but Seungcheol couldn't find it in himself to pay attention to the rest of the lyrics.

Instead, he watched the way Jihoon would move his hands on certain beats to match the song and the way he would turn his head to the side slightly when he had to make a higher note. He studied the way Jihoon's mouth would move towards the other side of his face and how it looked like he could drop the mic at any second.

The crowd began to cheer and Seungcheol was able to bring his face away from the phone screen.

"He changed the lyrics," were the only words he could say. Soonyoung nodded and put his phone away in his pocket as Seokmin began to explain something.

"Soonyoung couldn't pull his phone out on time but he said the song was dedicated to someone but he didn't say who. I saw some people bothering him about it on Monday but he scared all of them off. I'm guessing he confessed and got shot down." Seungcheol's mood darkened and he felt his heartstrings tug in certain places and his mental gears shifting.

He unlocked his phone when the bell rang, knowing his class was close he delayed himself and saw the conversation he had with Jihoon.

-

Throughout the rest of the day, Seungcheol couldn't help but wonder why Jihoon texted him. He should have asked when the performance was, he was confused as to whether Jihoon texted him for comfort or to confess.

They said Jihoon was a quiet person and Jihoon had told him that they hadn't spoken in a while, the evidence was more on the confessing side but he argued that Jihoon wouldn't like him if they never spoke.

-

Coming home in a daze he almost completely overlooked his boyfriend next to the door. Doing a double take he shook his head and focused in on the familiar face.

Doyoon wore a bittersweet smile, it didn't go with the faded pink flannel over the white shirt and black jeans, his outfit was bright and happy but his face held sadness and urgency. Seungcheol's guilt came back in a tenfold.

"Hey, where were you at school today?" Seungcheol brought him into his arms and noticed the dust on his back.

"I was packing," Doyoon was able to say the statement without a problem but it struck Seungcheol to the core.

"W-was there a trip you told me about? Did I forget about that?" Seungcheol's heart rate sped up and he held Doyoon a little closer.

"No, I..." He could feel Doyoon swallow, "this was supposed to be quick and easy. When I read the text last night I knew you remembered Jihoon so I thought..." A cold laugh followed the bitter unended statement.

"You didn't like him did you." Seungcheol sat them both down, he didn't want to let go of Doyoon just yet.

"Honestly?" There was a short pause before Doyoon answered. 

"No, I didn't. I envied him," arms slowly brought themselves to hold Seungcheol's shoulders and he felt tears seep through his shirt. "You know, I've liked you since the last day of fifth grade, I thought we wouldn't hang out over the summer and when I got scared that's when I realized. Then when you told me you were willing to date in sixth grade I knew it wouldn't have been the same if you liked Jihoon."

Doyoon took a deep breath through his nose and let it out slowly, Seungcheol rubbed his back gently and waited for the rest of it.

"I didn't want to go out with you until you liked me back but I knew it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, then my parents announced we would be moving and I just had to know what it would be like to date you before then. I knew it wouldn't be the same. I knew you were always thinking of Jihoon. I-" Seungcheol's ears caught the break in the other's voice and felt a pressure building up in his throat.

"I'm sorry for making you date me," the weak, meaningful apology made it harder for Seungcheol to swallow the guilt.

"You didn't make me do anything, I wanted to date you." He felt a tremor go through the other when he said those words and closed his eyes. "Doyoon, I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't able to give you my feelings-"

"You loved someone else. You never have to be sorry for loving someone. You have no reason to be sorry Seungcheol." Doyoon's voice was blocked and had a nasal ring to it breaking Seungcheol a little more.

"You never made me do anything." He repeated.

"I took advantage of you." Doyoon took another breath through his nose before pushing away and wiping his tears with his flannel, making a spot of pigment a little more noticeable. "I knew you wouldn't say no to going out with me so I took advantage of it so I could have you as my boyfriend. I'm a terrible person." His hands shook in the air and he refused to make eye contact with Seungcheol. When he reached his hands out Doyoon flinched away.

"No, I don't deserve it. I'm terrible-"

"Doyoon you're not terrible."

"Yes, I am!" The sudden outburst caught Seungcheol off guard and he flinched slightly but not enough to be noticeable without close observation. "I'm horrible because I was happy when I heard you lost your memory in the car crash."

Silence. Breath.

"I was happy you got memory loss, Seungcheol I was happy you forgot about Jihoon. I was happy you forgot about the person you loved just because I thought I would have a better chance with you before I left." The back of his hand was pressing against his chest and Seungcheol found himself staring.

"I was happy you got injured for my own selfish desires." Seungcheol opened his mouth to try and comfort the other but he couldn't find the right words. "You don't have to make me feel better, I already told you I don't deserve it." He continued to wipe his face and Seungcheol closed his mouth. 

They sat in silence again, both looking at each other and trying their hardest to avoid eye contact. Doyoon had moved from his side to setting his back on the door and Seungcheol followed his lead. They sat, staring at the opposite wall for five minutes thinking about the recent words and left them floating around. Once he was calm enough, Doyoon broke the silence to say what he came for. 

"You know even now I can tell you don't like me." Doyoon leaned his head against the door and smiled up at the roof in irony. Seungcheol tried to reach his hand out again, Doyoon allowed the gesture this time. "I meant as something more than a friend. You don't like me in a romantic way. Even when you don't know who Jihoon is." He locked eyes with Seungcheol for the first time since they started talking.

Something in his eyes was broader and forceful than before. Seungcheol anticipated the next set of words.

"Promise me you're going to be with Jihoon." The tearstained cheeks weren't elevated in a smile, and dark-brown eyes held no sadness, just a firm commanding stare.

"Doyoon-"

"I mean it Seungcheol. The only way I'd be content with breaking up with you is if you end up with Jihoon. I'm making Wonwoo send me updates. Please." 

Seungcheol stayed silent for a while, searching for any doubt. He seemed set on making Seungcheol promise and nothing wavered.

"When are you moving?" Doyoon looked away again, his neck slowly straightened and he was examining the same pattern from before.

"Tomorrow."

"What?!" Seungcheol stood abruptly, blinking hard at the sudden head rush. Doyoon hung his head between his arms in an apology. 

"I know it's sudden and I was going to tell you yesterday but I just... couldn't." He slowly pushed his weight off the door to stand. He stood for a moment, hesitating on his next move but if he didn't do it now he didn't know when he would have another chance. He brought Seungcheol into another hug.

"I'll be leaving in the morning," he whispered into the other's ear. His eyes hurt from the previous tears and he blinked the fresh ones away. He felt an object begin to wrinkle in his pocket and slowly moved away.

"Remember when we first met and you gave me an acrostic poem with my name?" He pulled out the slightly dented paper and held it out for Seungcheol to take. "I tried to make one of yours." He closed and opened his mouth several times, he must look like a fish out of water.

"I love you Seungcheol, we'll keep in touch right?" I want to at least be invited to the Jicheol wedding."

"Jicheol?" Seungcheol smiled amused, he felt fresh tears form in his eyes whilst receiving the small paper.

"Yeah you know, 'Ji' for Jihoon and 'cheol' for the last part of your name. If you put them together, you get Jicheol." He held out his hands and made and option-weighing motion. Seungcheol let out a single laugh, mixed with a sob before bringing Doyoon in for one last hug.

'S - Sorry. This is what I feel even though you might say I have nothing to be sorry for, I do.

E - Empty. That's what you're feeling and I don't want you to feel that way.

U - Understanding. This is what you are and I hope you understand that: one, I suck at this. And two, I want you to be happy.

N - Nice. Another word that describes you, I hope Jihoon sees it and goes out with you.

G - Gut. I have a feeling in my gut that we'll both be happy, so don't worry about me too much okay?

C - Careful. Be careful about everything, on the streets and with your own feelings. If Jihoon rejects you don't go back to dating everyone, it's not good and they know you don't like them. You might think you're covering it up but you're really not.

H - Happy. I already said I want you to be happy and I really mean it. You better be happy or I swear I'll never visit.

E - Effort. At least make an effort to talk to Jihoon or become his friend, you haven't been trying and I guess that was part of the reason I was made.

O - Off. I don't know, I needed an 'O' word. Never turn your feelings off?

L - Love. I still love you and I'm sure it'll change from romance to friendship eventually now that I've accepted your love for Jihoon. I'm sorry for all the fights we've had about it, don't forget about me okay? I'll be texting you and I'll come back during the summers.'


	6. You and I

"Seungcheol if you don't go talk to him right now I'm coming back to personally kick your ass" Doyoon's voice came through the speaker and Seungcheol turned himself over onto his back. He stared at his white ceiling while Doyoon continued to rant over the phone.

"Doyoon, how is it that you got over the situation before I did and I'm the one in love with Jihoon?"

"Because you still think I'm lying about being okay with it. Seungcheol, it's been a week."

"It's been three days. Are you sure you were ever in love with me?" Seungcheol's back bent and he sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose when the blood rushed towards the rest of his body.

"I still care for you a lot." Doyoon's avoidance of the question caused Seungcheol to sigh. "Oh cmon Seungcheol, don't go all soap opera on me where you start to like me when I don't like you." Seungcheol stayed silent for a while, how was he supposed to reply to that.

"Seungcheol you're not really falling for me are you?" Doyoon's tone was serious and Seungcheol sighed again, rubbing his face, staring at the white wall in front of him.

"No, I'm not falling for you." He rubbed his eyes and tried to find the right words to describe the conflict going on between his brain and heart. "Your move was just really sudden and I feel like there's something that I need to know before I go talk to Jihoon. I don't even know why I like the guy."

"I don't know why you love him either," Seungcheol noticed the difference in words but let Doyoon finish, "What I do know is that you should just go talk to him. If you never tell someone how you feel they'll never know and if you don't ask him out he'll never be yours. It's been twelve years, it's about time you stopped suffering. I gotta go but you better at least see his face today."

The small tone ended the call and Seungcheol watched his phone screen light up from the difference in settings. He stared at Doyoon's number, organizing his thoughts. He was sure that he wasn't feeling anything romantic towards Doyoon, he did miss the other, but it wasn't romance.

The heat detecting surface analyzed his finger movements and he opened Jihoon's conversation. There weren't a lot of messages nor words that helped Seungcheol figure out who Jihoon really was or why he supposedly liked the other so much.

"Hey, Mom?" Seungcheol stuck his head through space he created between the door and its frame. His mother looked up from the book she was reading to focus on what Seungcheol wanted. He brought himself into the room and sat down at the edge, heart beating from nervousness caused by something he didn't know.

"Who's Jihoon?" He fumbled with the hem of his shirt when his mother's jaw dropped slightly. She closed her book slowly and set it on the table, reading glasses were set on top before the hands were brought together to rest in a lap. All the while, Seungcheol looked like a little kid admitting he did something wrong. Chin down, hands properly folded in his lap, and bottom lip jutted out in guilt. His mother's hand found it's way to the underside of his chin and encouraged him to look her in the eye as she explained.

"I was wondering when you would ask about him."

"You knew I forgot about him?"

"Of course, you're different when you don't remember him." The words, similar to the ones Wonwoo said before made Seungcheol even more curious about the person he was 'oh so in love with'.

"Jihoon's our neighbor and your childhood friend, you boys haven't spoken much throughout the years but I could tell that you've always liked him. I think he liked you too." She smiled when Seungcheol became flustered. He was mentally scolding himself, but those words didn't change the feeling of happiness he got when he heard Jihoon might like him back.

"You didn't get along well when you were little but you would both show ways of respect and affection towards each other without knowing. He would always hope you were well and brought over small gifts for your birthday or when you were sick. He bought you that jean jacket you got last year."

"You mean my-"

"Yes your favorite one, he signed it under his mother's name and when I thanked her for it, she told me that it was Jihoon's gift. The boy dismissed it like it was nothing but before I left he begged me not to tell you it was him."

"How did he even know my size?"

"He asked his mother who asked me. He's a clever boy." It took Seungcheol a while to process the information. Seungcheol's mother continued to smile, finding amusement in his own mental battle discussing what he should do. Even as a grown woman she felt jittery to imagine her son ending up with the person he's always liked. It was similar to a book she's read before, she'd have to think of the title later, she noticed Seungcheol asking another question.

"Is Jihoon usually home?" She observed his legs, they were already inching towards the floor, dragging Seungcheol's torso with them. She had to think about the day of the week before giving an answer.

"Yes, they should be home-"

"Okay! I'll be back soon!" Seungcheol made his way out of the room and the rest of the apartment. Before he knew it, he found himself in front of his neighbor's door, hand coming down from making contact with the maple wood. During the three seconds that passed after his knock, his brain caught up and he noticed the lack of self-restraint, he didn't even hesitate to come over. What if his mom got it wrong? What if he went to the wrong house? What if Jihoon didn't want to see him? The list of worries was cut short when the door unlocked and Jihoon's mother greeted him, bits of confusion in her smile. It took him less than 20 seconds to get to the door and he just noticed his lack of breath.

"Hello Mrs.Lee, is Jihoon home?"

"Yes," she replied slowly and opened the door even slower. Seungcheol didn't know whether he should feel frustrated at the pace or thankful for the chance to fully catch his breath. Choosing the latter he thanked her with an airtight breath then asked if he could go to him immediately.

Seeing the bedroom door caused all the courage inside his body to leave and his fingers shook as they made their way towards the knob. There was snickering at the end of the hall, Mrs. Lee covering her mouth her eyes were full of the same amusement his mother failed to hide while she was talking to him. All heat moved towards his face and his rationality left his brain once again, allowing him to enter the room without a second thought.

The room was plain, nothing too fancy and he felt familiar standing at the entrance. He scanned the bare blue walls and bookshelves, there were a few clothes and school supplies on the floor but it was cleaner than Seungcheol's room. He remembered the bed, bookshelf, and desk being the same places but he never remembered Jihoon's eyes looking into his own. Jihoon's fingers were halfway through his hair when Seungcheol came in, headphones were in his other hand playing a soft beat to supply background music as the two examined each other.

Seungcheol was looking at rolled up sleeves from a yellow jacket being held in place by the bend in slim, light elbows. His eyes roamed down to the white shirt peeking out from underneath the jacket and matching shorts. He was looking at Lee Jihoon, the person he's supposedly in love with and he was starting to think he knows why.

"H-hi." Seungcheol waved and the door shut behind him making him jump a little. Jihoon remained quiet but tilted his head down to let Seungcheol know that he's allowed to stay. Taking a step closer he felt Jihoon's gaze get harder. He took a deep breath.

"I'm just going to get straight to the point. I like you but I don't know why." He winced at his own words, not knowing how Jihoon would react. Through the squinting, he saw Jihoon place the headphones down on his desk and finish running his hands through his hair. The movement of soft locks allowed his ears to be seen and Seungcheol was able to notice the pink tint.

"I think you need to go to the hospital." The first words Jihoon said weren't the ones Seungcheol was hoping for but they were something and Seungcheol would take it. Jihoon wasn't looking at him, instead, he pressed the buttons on his computer to turn off the music he was playing. Maybe it was out of politeness but Seungcheol liked it better when they weren't in complete silence.

"I already went, they said I'm fine."

"No, there must be something wrong with you, you can't like me." Even though it seemed like Jihoon was rejecting him, something in the way his voice wavered got Seungcheol to smile and inch closer instead of moving away. He was looming over Jihoon's shoulder, not enough to see the words on the page but enough to know that Jihoon was just tapping his pencil in the same spot to make it look like he was doing something.

"You know," hearing how close Seungcheol's voice was, Jihoon stopped his pencil and set it down, he turned his head to look up at the older, using all his might to appear unphased, Seungcheol had seen through it, though. "You know," he repeated again, "I don't know how to explain it but I forgot about you when I was in the car crash," Jihoon's lips twitched to form a line, "yet you're all I've been thinking about for the past few days." Jihoon made a dismissing sound and turned away again.

"Yeah, you definitely need to go to the hospital to get another checkup. Make sure they test to see if you're mentally okay. I think you hit your head too hard and you're mistaking me for someone else. Don't you have a boyfriend-"

"We broke up." Jihoon furrowed his brows and looked up at Seungcheol again, the elder was looking down at him as if he were apologizing, Jihoon just stared for a while, making sure his expression wouldn't change. He hadn't looked into those eyes in so long, at least not so close, the last time he remembered looking into Seungcheol's eyes was back in middle school when they met across the lunchroom and even then it could have been the person next to him.

"How long ago?" He snapped himself out of his thoughts by shaking his head and standing up, he's being a horrible host, he stood to open the door, blushing when he saw his eyes only reached Seungcheol's shoulder. He kept his head down, too embarrassed to face the other with such a height gap, and headed towards the door. He tilted his head towards the hall once it was open.

"How long ago?" He repeated the question, they sat across the granite counter, sipping the iced tea Jihoon made. Seungcheol had been looking around for Mrs.Lee when Jihoon's asked the question. He took a lingering sip from his glass cup under the curious eyes. Finally bringing the glass away from his lips, licking the excess juice off his top lip, he met Jihoon's eyes again.

"Three days ago." Eye contact was kept for about another five seconds before the corners of Jihoon's lips curled up while he pressed both his lips together, turning away, he held his cup while resting his forehead on the back of his hand and let out a small chuckle, his eyes even closed slightly. Seungcheol took another sip of his drink.

"You broke up with the guy, three days ago," Jihoon pointed, drink still in his hand, ice making small noises while hitting the sides, "and now you're saying you like me." He put the cup down and scratched the back of his head. "I'm pretty sure that's not how it works." another laugh was let out and Seungcheol took a deep breath.

"Doyoon broke up with me..."

"That still doesn't help your case, when you end a relationship I'm pretty sure it takes you more than a few days to move on-"

"You didn't let me finish." Seungcheol didn't mean to sound threatening but he had the feeling his words came out harsher than intended. Jihoon was making hand gestures that immediately stopped when Seungcheol interrupted. "You didn't let me finish," he made sure to repeat it gently, he only spoke again after Jihoon put his hands down on the counter, "Doyoon broke up with me because he knew I was in love with you." Jihoon opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, rethinking it.

"You've been in a relationship with almost everyone in the school." He took a long pause, maybe he was waiting for Seungcheol to comment on it but he couldn't disagree and he didn't want to outwardly admit it either. "I remember this one time you were dating a different person every week, how do you expect me to trust your words?"

Seungcheol knew he was supposed to feel upset about the statement but the only fact he got out of all the sentences was that Jihoon's been paying attention to him. "How did you know I was dating a new person every week?" He finished his drink and swallowed with a smirk at the blink and blush Jihoon acquired.

"That's not the point!" Seungcheol's smirk widened when Jihoon leaned farther away to cross his arms, "Besides, rumors about you go around the school quick, anyone would know."

Deciding that the poor boy needed a break, Seungcheol munched on some of his ice before finally answering. "They've all come to me first, I don't know why - this is one of the things I forgot - but I couldn't say no to them. I was never the one to break up either, I have a feeling they all broke up with me the same reason Doyoon did, Wonwoo broke up with me because of that." Seungcheol surprised himself at how calm he's been the whole conversation, he was able to make Jihoon blush several times when earlier he was sure he wouldn't be able to utter a word from his own state of being flustered.

"Pft, still don't believe you actually like me." Jihoon grabbed the empty cup from in front of Seungcheol and brought his own to the sink to be washed, not wanting to be rude he walked Seungcheol to the door with a smile. "It was nice talking to you again Seungcheol, thanks for stopping by." The door began to swing closed to separate the two but Seungcheol pressed both his palms against it to keep it open.

"Jihoon," this was what he was expecting, the short of breath and the heat rushing to his cheeks, maybe it had something to do with hallways, "Jihoon my mom told me about the jean jacket."

The only thing he heard before the door fully closed was a small mumble he tried to figure out, the best thing he came up with was, "I might like you but that doesn't mean I'll trust you so easily."

-

"I can't believe you actually came." Seungcheol pushed himself off the wall, rubbing his hands together in nervousness. He had invited Jihoon on a date, telling him to show up at the park so they could just walk and talk, it was completely last minute, he spontaneously found extra time to waste and thought it would be nice to walk with Jihoon.

"I needed to clear my mind off some things," the shorter of the two was wearing a white snapback over his pink hair and blue sweater with black shorts. Seungcheol was wearing a simple static patterned long sleeve and black pants.

"Can I ask what?" He tilted down and received a smack to his arm.

"Don't crouch, I was just writing something for a class but it got frustrating and I'm glad you called, I think if I stayed in my room any longer I would have gone crazy." Jihoon's hands were shoved into the pockets of his jacket and he tilted his head back to bask in the sun with his eyes closed.

"Which class?" Seungcheol brought Jihoon closer so he wouldn't bump into the stroller passing by, "Maybe we could just sit and talk instead of walk and talk, plus you look like you'll fall asleep at any time."

"Don't let me fall asleep." A finger was pointed up towards Seungcheol's chin with not much ferocity but Seungcheol still flinched away. "I have to write lyrics for my producing class, I can't word this one part in a way that fits with the beat and I just noticed how awful it sounds." They found their way to an unoccupied park bench and connected their butts to the seat.

"I bet it doesn't sound that bad, can I listen to it?" Jihoon leaned to the opposite side of the bench, away from Seungcheol, and pulled out his phone with earbuds wrapped around it. He untangled the wire and gave one to Seungcheol before putting one in his ear. He scrolled through his music library for the most recent cut he saved. Once the music started playing both closed their eyes and listened to the beginning beats.

"Wait is this Soonyoung?" Seungcheol looked down at the same time Jihoon looked up, they locked eyes before Jihoon shied away.

"Mingyu is in Lyricist Club right? The producing class had to group together with them, he came up to me and brought some of your other friends to record the song." There was a yawn after the sentence, Seungcheol remembered the slight threat Jihoon gave a while ago but he couldn't deprive the younger of sleep.

He carefully listened to the next voice, it sounded vaguely familiar but he couldn't bring up a face, the speaker was a good rapper in Seungcheol's opinion, he punctuated his syllables clearly. A smile appeared on his face when he heard Mingyu's voice, he never really listened to the other rap, he was always wary about it and Seungcheol never got the chance. Soonyoung's voice came on again before Jihoon began to rap, Seungcheol's eyebrows raised slightly as he was taken aback, he's never heard Jihoon sing or rap before. Somehow, the way it sounded with Jihoon's voice didn't fit. The part where the rhythm leaves and beat slows down is where - Seungcheol assumed - Jihoon had trouble with the wording.

"I feel like I have a phrase that could work." Seungcheol thought back to the paper in his binder, it didn't completely match what Jihoon's originally saying in the song but he was sure it would sound nice. He looked to see if Jihoon was awake for his input. When the pink hair began to roll forward and almost fall to the floor, Seungcheol caught the sleeping boy and tried to get him to lean back onto his shoulder. He found it endearing that Jihoon didn't snore, something about the way the pink head's chest rose and fell silently needed to be appreciated.

"Mmyeah," Jihoon nodded against his shoulder, making a tasting sound with his mouth while his face contorted into a bothered state before slowly relaxing. The earbud had fallen out of his ear in an effect of the movement but Seungcheold didn't mind. He slowly lifted Jihoon's head to take out the other earbud before wrapping the wires around like Jihoon had them. He couldn't put it in Jihoon's pockets so he settled with putting the device in his own. He poked Jihoon's cheek gently, trying to get him awake enough to move some body parts.

"Jihoon, you said you didn't want me to let you sleep..." Said boy was nodding to Seungcheol's words but they went in through one ear and out the other. Deciding it wouldn't do too much harm, Seungcheol took Jihoon's arms and crouched in front of the other to wrap them around his neck for support. When Jihoon's weight was balanced enough he stood.

"I'm not sleeping, just resting my eyes," a small whine came in small puffs of breath that tickled Seungcheol's ear. Jumping slightly he fixed Jihoon's position before starting their walk.

"I'm pretty sure that if you were awake right now, you wouldn't be letting me do this." Seungcheol looked up at the sky again, when did he ask Jihoon to come out? It was getting dark and the wind was picking up, he probably asked on impulse again.

"If I were asleep I wouldn't be answering your questions." Every once in a while, Seungcheol would jump again and get Jihoon higher onto his back. The feeling of the other's chest rising and falling, pressing up against his back then retreating, knowing that Jihoon was somewhat voluntarily hugging him made him smile the whole way.

When Seungcheol knocked on Jihoon's apartment door, Mrs.Lee was shocked, to say the least. She covered her mouth to gasp and Seungcheol chuckled slightly, Jihoon whined from his back and from the way Mrs.Lee reacted after, Seungcheol could guess that Jihoon glared.

"What's the line you had?"

"What?" Seungcheol turned from setting Jihoon's phone on his desk to see him sitting up and obviously struggling to stay awake.

"You said you had a phrase you thought would work for the song, what was it?" He was speaking with his eyes closed and the thought of teasing him about it came to Seungcheol's mind but he held back, Jihoon was tired he could give the kid more than a break.

"When is the song due?" He was falling forward again and Seungcheol ran to aid him.

"I'm fine, it's due on Tuesday."

"I'll give it to you tomorrow, just sleep, for now okay?" Jihoon immediately fought at first but there wasn't much force to his argument.

"No, I have to finish it over the weekend-"

"It's due in 2 days Jihoon, you can take a break now."

"Seungcheol-"

"If you don't sleep right now, I'm leaving you to figure out that line by yourself."

"That's what I was going to do originally so that doesn't really phase me."

Seungcheol bit his lip, it was hard to take Jihoon seriously when he looked like he was just talking in his sleep but the last sentence bothered him.

"Please just sleep." Jihoon was quiet for a while, his lips formed a line and he was thinking about it thoroughly. He let out a sigh and gave into Seungcheol's pleas by taking the blankets and wrapping them around himself in a protective cocoon. He could almost feel the elder's smile before hearing the door close.

-

"That's good. Thanks. You can come out now." Jihoon took his hand off the white button before looking back at the screen, dragging a few colored bars in order, he didn't bother to watch Seungcheol come out of the room but he heard the soft opening and closing of the door while Seungcheol's aura sent a tingle through his shoulder. He put the song on playback once, skipping over to the part Seungcheol just recorded. Nervously, the other stood and watched the pink head move back then stopping a few seconds before the mouse was clicked again and headphones were taken off.

"How does it sound?" Jihoon didn't answer, he just unplugged his headphones and played the song again, he coughed and stood from the chair, gesturing and making sure Seungcheol sat before he left the small recording room. Seungcheol watched him leave with a puzzled expression but dismissed it before he could get too worried. Instead, he focused on the song and smiled at the familiar parts he heard. The beat got overly familiar and he bounced waiting to hear how he sounded. It was his first time being recorded and he had a feeling it would have been a lot harder if it weren't Jihoon producing, he could tell the younger was holding back some comments.

Hearing his own voice felt interesting, he's heard himself in videos and such but something about being in a recording studio made it different. When the beat dropped and he heard the line he had written, he made a victorious gesture before focusing his attention on Wonwoo's voice. He hadn't heard this part of the song, he paid extra attention to the beat and lyrics before Soonyoung began to sing again.

"Baby it's alright~ I'll call you mine. At the night, the moon is shining on us, through the dawn, I want to try and stay up all night." Seungcheol was taken aback at the first three words, hearing Jihoon sing made his adrenal glands release their hormones. At the end, he heard the small moments were Jihoon would harmonize with Soonyoung. Before he was able to regain a calm state of mind, Jihoon came in.

"I love it."

"Thanks, for the lyrics and the compliment." When Seungcheol swirled the chair around, Jihoon was holding two cups of coffee, he took a sip from one hand held the other out to Seungcheol.

"Thanks for the coffee, which parts did Mingyu write?"

"Well, all of them wrote a few of their own parts, they helped a lot. He wrote his whole rap and part of Wonwoo's. Soonyoung had the idea to add the age, he thought it would appeal to more people and even though I said no one else but us and the teacher was going to hear it, he insisted."

"Why don't you post it on Youtube? I bet it'll be a hit."

"I never said I told Soonyoung the truth," Jihoon looked up innocently, sipping his coffee at the same time.

"What do you mean?" Seungcheol tried the black drink, it was more bitter than he would usually get but he figured it would be rude to ask for more creamer after the other went through all the trouble.

"I do, but from what I know about Soonyoung, if he knew more people are bound to hear it too. He would want my channel name then spread it all over the school. Soon enough, everyone will know and I'll be bombarded with requests and questions like 'Jihoon when are you going to come out with another song??' 'Jihoon can I sing in your next song?' 'Jihoon write me a song!'" He grumbled after mocking the student body then chuckled.

"Can I know your Youtube name?"

"It's Woozi, both the 'o's are zeros."

"Woozi? Finding ideas?"

"Yeah, my teacher gave it to me when I auditioned for the class, I sent him a remix I made and he asked me if I had a pen name, I like the one he gave me so I stuck with it. Before I told you, he was the only one that knew."

"Have you had any offers from companies?"

"A few, but I haven't thought about going. I feel like I should get more experience before taking up the offer. Are you searching up my channel?" There was a grin on his face when Seungcheol nodded enthusiastically.

"Jisoo told me that you two had to do a project together, did you post it on here?" He scrolled through the number of videos, most of them had the word instrumental next to it and guessed they were drafts for later work.

"Because of You Acoustic." Jihoon shooed Seungcheol off the chair so he could take the flash drive out of the computer. He made sure to delete everything before walking towards the door again. "Seungcheol we have to get out," he mentioned to the elder who was currently holding the speaker end of his phone to the shell of his ear, "you can get cancer from that."

"You can get cancer from anything," Seungcheol countered, "Is this Jeonghan? Is Jeonghan singing?" Jihoon shrugged and held his hand out so he could listen to the song as well.

"You're talking about Jisoo's boyfriend right? I actually forgot his name but Jisoo brought him along because we needed another vocal, none of our voices fit the part and his worked fine."

"Why don't you hang out with us at lunch? We don't bite and you know almost everyone. You just need to meet like," Seungcheol counted on his fingers and threw the empty coffee cup away, "three more people."

Jihoon's shoulders bobbed at the offer and he threw away his own styrofoam cup, "I'm fine. I spend time in here during lunch since no one really uses it. If I hang out with you guys I don't think it would make a difference. I don't talk a lot."

"It would make a difference to me." Jihoon looked away but Seungcheol could tell he appreciated the words from the blush greeting him from the shorters cheeks.

"How cheesy. I guess if you want it so badly, I'll sit with you guys at lunch. I don't promise any talking."

-

"So..." Seungcheol spoke up, it's been two weeks since Jihoon's been sitting with them and everyone knew Seungcheol was loving every minute of it. They hadn't figured out whether Jihoon was, though. Every day, Seungcheol would gush at him and stare while Jihoon ate in silence, actually paying attention to the rest of the group. The rare times Jihoon did talk, it was during their arguments, usually countering whatever was said last which ends the argument right away. Just the day before, Jihoon showed signs of enjoying their time together, getting to the table before Seungcheol did and helping Mingyu with some lyrics. 

Alone, the two would continue to catch up, Seungcheol went to Jihoon's house every day and Jihoon never seemed to mind, in fact, he was caught waiting for Seungcheol one day, when his mother slipped the conversation the two had before she opened the door. Seungcheol didn't mention it to Jihoon but Mrs. Lee wasn't the quietest person and when the elder walked into the room, Jihoon's entire face was red and he was frozen in place as he faced his desk.

Slowly but surely, Jihoon was becoming more comfortable with the other, asking him about how his past relationships ended only to blush when Seungcheol mentioned it was because of him. Jihoon would bring him lunches because he knew Seungcheol didn't bring his own and he would do the little things for the elder, reminding him about an assignment he would complain about during lunch or reminding him to sleep, then telling Seungcheol to shut up when the elder would point out how late Jihoon himself sleeps.

Jihoon hadn't shown up yet and Seungcheol took it as his chance to ask the questions he's been meaning to ask for a while. "Why didn't you guys tell me you were working with Jihoon?" He held no accusation, just heavily sarcastic innocence.

"I told you I was working with Jihoon," Jisoo raised his hand to defend himself which made Jeonghan speak up as well.

"I was the one that told Seungcheol you were in the same class as him."

"Jeonghan why didn't you say anything?" Seungcheol targeted the silver haired male, raising his eyebrow with amusement. Jeonghan laughed it off.

"How did you even know about that?"

"He told me. I also helped him on his latest project, so you three," he looked to Soonyoung, Mingyu, and Wonwoo, "I'm curious." He tapped his foot underneath the table, waiting for their replies.

"Are you talking about the Because Of You thing? I forgot I was in it." Jeonghan shrugged, "Honestly I did, but I remembered after lunch ended, plus I don't know much about him so there wasn't any reason for me to tell you. Jisoo's the one in the same class as him."

"I forgot too, we were just helping him on a project and he never spoke unless it was to tell us to fix something, I thought he didn't like me." Seokmin raised his hand, looking to Jeonghan so the other could approve of what he was saying. Seungcheol wanted to explain Jihoon's manner but he was still waiting for three other explanations.

"And the three just recently working with him, you never told me because..." He watched them exchange worried glances, all except Wonwoo, who was blank as ever. Mingyu played dumb.

"What do you mean?" Wonwoo rested his forehead on his two fingers and looked down at the table, sometimes his boyfriend wasn't the smartest.

"Jihoon showed me the song he was working on and you were rapping with Wonwoo, and Soonyoung sang the chorus." There was the tiniest bit of irritation and Wonwoo decided that he better clear everything now before Seungcheol threw a fit in the cafeteria.

"He told us not to tell you."

"Wonwoo-" Said boy shook his head.

"Soonyoung, I'm pretty sure Jihoon won't kill us if we tell Seungcheol now."

"But he chased me around with Jisoo's guitar that one time."

"What??" Jisoo spoke up, Wonwoo sighed again at his boyfriend's lack of understanding the situation.

"Your guitar is fine, right? Moving on, we couldn't tell Seungcheol before because that was when Jihoon didn't know Seungcheol liked him. Now that he knows, I'm sure we can tell him now."

"What was Mingyu going to tell me... before Jihoon started chasing him?"

"That's something for you to ask Jihoon."

-

"Mrs. Lee, where's Jihoon? I didn't see him at school today, is he sick?" Seungcheol stood outside his neighbor's door, after Wonwoo had told him to go ask, he's been searching the whole school. He checked the recording room, the bathrooms, the music room, the other bathrooms, behind the school and in the office and it was almost like Jihoon was avoiding him.

"He went to school today..." The woman shifted her weight to one leg and thought about where her son would usually be.

"Are you sure he's not at school? He said that he would be performing at Friday Frenzy today, he should be there practicing right?" This time, Seungcheol was the one to think, he checked all the music rooms and Jihoon wasn't in any of them but if he really was being ignored then Jihoon must've been moving around.

"Thanks, Mrs.Lee! I have a feeling I know where he is now!" He ran down the hall and pulled out his phone, opening his messages to the muted group chat and ignoring all the unread messages.

'Guys help me with something please?'

-

"Found you!" Seungcheol's voice boomed throughout the whole performing arts center, Jihoon was sitting behind the grand piano while playing with the keys when Seungcheol walked in.

"Pft, I was never lost." The comment came before he began to play again. Seungcheol made his way down the velvet rows, checking the time and texting his friends that he found Jihoon. They'd been searching for an hour and Seungcheol told them they would meet up at the Frenzy, he'd save them seats.

"Why didn't you sit with us at lunch today?" He sat his own butt in the spot next to Jihoon, the smooth seat cool against his feverish skin and he looked at what Jihoon was wearing - a pink sweater and ripped jeans. He watched Jihoon's fingers move across the keys, never applying pressure, just lightly tracing the notes to a song.

"I wanted to practice for tonight. Don't ask what song, it's a surprise." Seungcheol's lips closed, the action made Jihoon chuckle before he asked, "Hey, tell me if you remember this song or not." He began to apply pressure to the keys before singing.

"Good morning - that's what I texted you. I think I'm into you, it's dangerous. Oh no~" He looked to Seungcheol and surprisingly the other found himself able to sing along.

"The things that I said last night, you probably won't remember it at all. Wherever we go restaurants get ready to close, after that it was just you and me, just like Jun Lam Hwae's song. I made a tacky and awkward confession I clearly remember your face." Seungcheol smiled with his eyebrows brought together, it was like he didn't even have to think about the lyrics, as Woozi began to sing he felt a familiarity in the situation.

They continued to sing and even as he could easily recite the correct lyrics, he tried to figure out why he felt like it happened before. He remembered this song, and crying, the song was playing as a commercial on television, he was eating Funyuns and he found one more left in the bag. His eyes widened with every word Jihoon sang.

"I want to express this feeling before it's too late."

'Will you marry me?'

"Jihoon." The piano stopped playing and he looked up to have his lips covered by Seungcheol's own for a split second before they were free again. Heat rushed to his cheeks and he was rendered speechless as Seungcheol continued with a smirk, "I got my memory back."

"Did you... Just.... Kiss me?" Seungcheol's smile grew even wider at Jihoon's passive habit. The younger held the back of his hand to his lips but didn't dare wipe them.

"Yes, I did."

"Why?" Seungcheol felt a bit of the memory coming back to him, the rejection, but Jihoon liked him too, right? So why would he reject him again? Jihoon was staring at him, there was slight confusion like Jihoon was wondering if Seungcheol was telling the truth and as much as Seungcheol wished he could explain at that moment, the door to backstage opened.

"Jihoon! Rehearsal is starting! You have to get off now! Seungcheol is that you?" Mr. Bumzu's voice could be heard from the sidelines, "Seungcheol only students performing are allowed on school grounds during rehearsal, this is the only time I'll kindly ask you to leave before I get you a write-up."

Seungcheol looked to Jihoon for a moment, the other didn't move his head from where he was looking at Mr. Bumzu but he could see the red on his ears and it was enough for then.

-

"Everyone please quiet down, I swear you guys get louder and louder every Friday, don't you guys get tired?" Screams of disagreement roared over the field, "Okay, okay. There's only one more act. You all remember Jihoon right?" Seungcheol's eyes widened from screams the name got, the speaker, Doogi PD, met his eyes and his eyebrows raised suggestively before he shushed everyone again. "He'll be singing again tonight, please give it up for... Lee Jihoon!"

The crowd went wild and Seungcheol wondered how loud it must have been the first time. He watched Jihoon drag out a chair in one hand and carry a guitar in his other while two other people brought microphones connected to respective stands. Once he was settled he leaned forward to greet the crowd.

"Nice to see you all again, from this angle at least." He tilted his head to the side with a nervous smile when the crowd cheered his name. "I'll be singing an acoustic version of You and I by Park Bom. I uh... I actually want to dedicate this song to someone. He and I uh..." He laughed and tilted his head down in embarrassment, ears completely pink. Cheers waved through the audience and encouraged him to continue, "He and I have known each other for most of our lives but we never really started talking till now and I thought this would be a good message for him. He uh..." Jihoon licked his lips, "He's pretty important to me- Oh god..." He put his head down again and willed himself to continue.

All of Seungcheol's friends were attacking his shoulders, shoving him excitedly and telling him that Jihoon was talking about him - like he didn't already know. He couldn't bring himself to mind, he just watched how Jihoon picked his head up one last time, looked directly at him, and said, "Now that you're by my side again, no matter what happens, even when the sky is falling down, I promise you that I'll never let you go."

The performance hadn't even started yet and Jihoon had everyone riled up. He beamed at Seungcheol who stared back in awe. Several sushing sounds could be heard when Jihoon began to strum the guitar, closing his eyes to get a feel for the song. 

"You, when I fell, you held be back up with an unfaltering gaze. And you, through those sad times, held my hands till the end of the world. I might be a shabby person who has never done anything for you but today I'm singing this song just for you. Tonight, within those two eyes and a smile, I could see the pains from protecting me. You and I together it just feels so right even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you. You and I together, don't ever let go of my hands even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you."

Jihoon played a small interlude while everyone cheered and Seungcheol remembered events similar to ones the song was talking about. He remembered helping Jihoon with the blocks. He clearly remembered the entire time Jihoon never spoke to him. He remembered arguing about his love for Jihoon with all his previous relationships and he's remembered the past week with Jihoon, how everything felt natural like they had been doing it their whole lives.

"I close my eyes slightly whenever I feel lonely again. I no longer fear when your breath holds me. No one in the world could replace you, you're the only one and I'll be there for you baby. You and I together it just feels so right even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you. You and I together, don't ever let go of my hands even though I bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you~" He slowly opened his eyes again, looking at Seungcheol, singing some adlibs at the end before strumming one last chord.

Just as the music stopped playing, people all around Seungcheol stood and cheered for a good minute before Doogi PD came out again to quiet them all. Jihoon left the stage and Seungcheol left his seat to go meet him.

"Jihoon!" He called, the sounds of Doogi's closing speech could be heard as the short boy moved from the guitar case to meet Seungcheol, he didn't know which to blame for his flushed demeanor the heat coming from the lights or the fact he had really just done that.

"Seungcheol." Jihoon greeted before he was bound between Seungcheol's chest and arms, his own slowly wrapped around the elders and they swayed side to side.

"Jihoon can I tell you something?"

"Depends on what it is." Jihoon felt himself grinning and hiding his face in Seungcheol's chest, anticipating his next words.

"When I was four, you were three and that commercial came on with Verbal Jint's song. You let your guard down. You were so into the music, you let yourself go, the way you wholeheartedly sang the entire commercial confidently despite your mistakes, something about that made the four-year-old me fall in love." He rested his nose in Jihoon's hair, taking in the moment. Jihoon was hugging him back, and hiding his face in his chest.

"Jihoon I've loved you since I was four and I never really stopped, I thought you hated me and this was all just one sided. If you don't love me back that's fine-"

"Me too," the mumble came from Seungcheol's chest and he finally let go to hear what Jihoon had to say. "I didn't fall in love with you as early as you fell in love with me, I kind of fell for you after overhearing a rumor that you would never reject anyone... I thought it was really nice of you but I also thought that - or well I knew - you were going to get hurt at some point. I asked Wonwoo to go out with you... but then I asked him to stop because it looked all too real, you love Wonwoo-"

"Not as much, nor in the same way, as I love you," Seungcheol interjected.

"But I continued to ask him about you and I told him to keep it a secret because I thought you hated me and this was all just one sided..."

"So I thought you hated me, when this entire time, it was the opposite?" Seungcheol laughed, brushing the side of Jihoon's face with the palm of his hand like they would in the movies.

"And me to you, but it only took us five years to figure out." The reply led them to a comfortable silence despite the congratulatory greetings the students were giving each other. Only when they were walking through the hallway of their apartment complex, hand in hand did they speak again.

"Hey, Jihoon," Seungcheol mentioned in front of the two doors.

"Yeah, Seungcheol?" In a similar moment to the one in the performing arts center, Jihoon looked up to have his lips captured by Seungcheols but this time, it lingered long enough so both of them were content.

"Be my boyfriend?" He asked, moving Jihoon's hair out of the way so he could kiss the other's forehead.

"I didn't perform a song in front of our entire school dedicating it to you for nothing."

"I'll take that as a yes."


End file.
